Beautifully Broken

“I was going to tell you last week.”

“God, that’s really far away. I thought you only applied to schools on the West Coast?”

“I applied on a whim,” I lie. “I wanted to keep my options open.”

He narrows his eyes at me. “What does that mean?”

“Well, I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to get the full-blown college experience. You know, being so far away from home.”

“The full-blown college experience,” he repeats. “And where do I fit into this equation?”

“I thought you could find a teaching job in Florida,” I shrug. “Or we could do the long-distance thing and visit each other on breaks and stuff. We would’ve figured out a way to make it work.”

“We would have figured out a way? As in, we can’t figure out a way now?”

I choke back the sob that’s dying to be set free. “Gavin, I don’t see how that’s possible now. You have a baby on the way. You have to focus on being a father. I would never take that away from you. You’re going to be busy with your son. Besides, when I really think about it, there’s no way I could keep up with all the demands of my schoolwork while flying back and forth to see you. I’m going to be busy in my own way. I’ve worked so hard to get out of this town and I can’t turn down an opportunity like this.”

“So what are you saying?”

I place my hands on his cheeks. “I’m saying that I’m making the decision for you. You’re going to move in with Hailey and I’m going to school in Florida.”

“There are two people in this relationship, Kat. You can’t just make a decision like that on your own!”

I place my palm over his heart. “You see, that’s where you’re wrong, Gavin. The old me would have never had the strength to do this. But you changed that. You showed me what loving another person really means. Because of you, I know that I’m worthy of love and respect. Because of you, I know what it’s like to love someone so much that you’d sacrifice your own happiness for theirs. Because of you, I am strong enough to survive the…heartbreak of losing you.” I choke on the last few words when I see tears rolling down his face. I place a soft kiss on his lips before saying the words that I couldn’t speak until now. “I’m so in love with you, Gavin. Thank you for loving me…for fixing me. I truly wish you nothing but the best in your future. I’m sorry I won’t be a part of it.”

“Kat,” he croaks. “Don’t do this. This isn’t what I want.”

I give him a sad smile. “You know it’s the right thing to do, Gavin. Deep down, you know it. Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.” I place my cheek against his and whisper, “I love you. I think I was born to love you. Goodbye, Gavin.”

I spin around and run out of the house without looking back. My fingers are on the door handle to my car when he calls my name. I stop moving but make no effort to turn toward the house.

“I think I was born to love you too,” he confesses.

I shove my fist against my mouth to stifle my cries as I get into my car and drive out of his life.

Well, the day is finally here. I’m officially a high school graduate. As Principal Edwards utters his final words, we graduates remove the caps from our heads and throw them up in the air to resounding cheers and applause.

“Kitty, get over here,” Dylan shouts as he makes his way through the crowd.

I smile as I fall into his embrace. “We did it, Dyl.”

He picks me up and twirls in a circle. “Of course we did! Have you met us?”

“What am I going to do without your cocky ass every day?” I laugh. “I can’t believe you’re going to school in Georgia. It’s so far. Are you sure you can’t come to Cali with me and Bree?”

He brushes the back of his knuckles against my cheek in a surprisingly intimate gesture. “You know I can’t do that, Kat. I need some space to get my shit together. You’re a tough act to follow, babe.”

I gasp. “Dylan—”

He places his index finger over my lips. “It’s okay, Kitty. I know you don’t feel the same way and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that. We can’t control who we love. If we could, I don’t think either one of us would feel so shitty right now.”

I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’m going to miss you too.” He pets my head while we hold each other, occasionally jostled by the crowd.

A man clears his throat. “Kat, do you have a minute?”

Dylan and I both stiffen at the sound of Gavin’s voice. It’s been just over a month since we broke up and Dylan has seen firsthand what a mess I’ve become. Gavin was never his favorite person but he holds even more resentment toward him now.