“No way,” he shrugged off my hold. “Apologize,” he glared at the woman.
“Sorry,” I heard her squeak from behind me.
I didn’t acknowledge her. People would believe what they wanted to believe, and I wasn’t going to waste my breath trying to prove them other wise.
Slowly, people started to leave as the service ended.
I didn’t speak at the funeral. I couldn’t. Talking about them in the past tense didn’t feel right.
The cemetery emptied and only Kyle was left by my side. He was a better friend than I deserved.
“You should go,” I said.
“Cael—”
“Go!” I yelled. “I need to be alone right now.”
Kyle heaved a sigh. “Fine.”
His steps faded away and I was finally alone.
My knees gave out and I sunk to the ground. Tears drenched my cheeks. I had never cried so hard in my life. With each painful sob, my gut clenched. I clutched at the grass, dirt getting under my nails.
As I watched the caskets being lowered in the ground a scream tore out of my throat.
This was goodbye.
They were really and truly gone.
This wasn’t a nightmare I was about to wake up from.
Real life fucking sucked.
“You should go.” One of the workers told me as others spread tarps over the open graves. “It’s going to storm soon. You shouldn’t have watched this anyway.”
I didn’t say anything to him, but I refused to move.
Once the graves were covered the men disappeared.
I leaned my forehead against the ground, my sobs shaking my whole body. It was the first time I’d cried since they’d died. I’d been unable to until now—and now my emotions spilt forth like flood.
I felt raindrops hit my neck. They picked up speed and soon I was soaked and my clothes became muddy where I knelt against the ground. It was like the sky was crying with me, mourning the loss of three good people who died before they were meant to.
The trees in the cemetery shook from the force of the wind and my body quickly felt like it was turning into a popsicle. I was so cold, shivering uncontrollably, but I couldn’t leave. Not yet.
The moment I left, it would be like I had finally acknowledged that they were really dead.
Like a small child I believed if I wished hard enough that this wasn’t real someone would have to listen to my pleas and grant my desperate request.
Lightning lit up the sky and thunder cracked—the sound overpowering my choking sobs.
I tore at my hair.
I wanted to die.
I didn’t want to have to live without them.
It wasn’t fair.