“Caelan?”
“Go away!” I screamed at Kyle. I should’ve known he had waited for me.
“I’m not leaving. Not until you do.”
He sat down beside me and I turned my head to see him drawing his knees up and draping his arms across. His wet hair stuck to his forehead as he looked ahead. “I know you believe you’re alone, but you’re not.”
He was wrong.
I was alone.
No one could understand what I was going through. They couldn’t grasp the pain that ripped through my body with every second that I was alive and they were dead. Sure, people tried to get it, but they couldn’t.
I didn’t say any of that to him, though.
As days turned to weeks he, like everyone else, soon realized that I would never be the same.
I awoke with a start. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. I buried my head in my hands, trying to forget what I’d remembered. I knew it was stupid, but I couldn’t help wishing that there was some magical device that would allow you to erase the things you didn’t want to remember, and keep the things you did.
I stood slowly, looking around the empty cemetery.
No one else was here.
There hardly ever was anyone here.
The living feared the dead because they represented an all too present fate for themselves. Therefore, they avoided cemeteries, like the place alone was going to cause them to drop dead.
As if I wasn’t already weird enough, I found peace here.
The dead weren’t nearly as judgmental as the living.
“Ha! I’m totally judging you!”
“Cayla,” I groaned.
“Seriously, get your shit together.”
I frowned.
“I know you don’t think you can,” she continued, “but you’re wrong.”
“I’ve fucked up everything, Cayla,” I said, staring at her grave. “How can I possibly fix this mess now?”
“By not talking about it and doing it,” she spoke. “Take that first step, Cael. Do it. Not for me. Not for Sutton. But for you.”
I took a deep breath. “I’ll try.”
I was already doing better than I had in a while. I was drinking less and I hadn’t used any drugs in a few days—when in the past I couldn’t go a few hours without a hit.
“That’s all I ask.”
CHAPTER 16
Sutton
The summer heat melted away, replaced by cool winds and the warm colors of fall. Looking out my window, I watched the red, yellow, and orange leaves swirl from the trees down to the street below where they were then scattered by passersby and traffic.
Autumn had always been my favorite season. The crisp cool air always made me want to bundle up in my most comfy clothes. The colors of this time of year were beautiful—so warm and inviting, a direct contrast to the cool greens and crisp blues of summer. Even the smells of fall were