Beauty in the Ashes

“Now,” he clasped his hands together and tilted his chair on the back two legs, “I’ll go first.”

Now I was thoroughly confused. I didn’t even understand why we were doing therapy in the first place? Was that normal? I didn’t know. I should’ve researched this place before I allowed myself to be sent here. I wasn’t one to talk about my feelings or any shit like that, so this was going to prove interesting.

“I’m thirty-eight. I’ve been clean for twelve years now. At seventeen years old I was a heroine addict. I got involved in the wrong crowd and wanted to lash out at my parents. They were very strict, you see,” he steepled his hands together and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “So, like you,” he pointed at me, “I’ve been through the same things. I sat right where you’re sitting and questioned why the hell I was here. In my mind, I wasn’t an addict. I didn’t have a problem. I was fine. Guess, what? I was lying to myself, just like you’ve been doing to yourself,” he pointed at me. “Addiction is a bad thing, but it doesn’t make you bad.” He sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. “The first step to healing is admitting you have a problem.”

I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to respond, but I did anyway. “Uh…haven’t I admitted that I have a problem by being here?”

“In a way,” Alex agreed, “but having sat right where you are now, I know you’re probably already thinking of leaving and wondering why you agreed to this.”

I swallowed thickly. He was exactly right. I kept my mouth shut after that.

“Alright,” Alex clapped his hands together, “we’ll start here,” he pointed to the person on his left, “and go around.”

“My name is Kasey,” the woman spoke, “I’m an alcoholic.”

“Would you like to say anything else?” Alex asked her.

She shook her head. Alex surprised me by not asking her to speak further.

The next person said, “I’m Ray. I’m a cocaine addict. I got addicted when I was only fifteen. Both my parent’s were druggies, so I guess I was destined to become one too,” he muttered, scratching his arm. “I’ve been here a month now. It’s been the hardest thirty days of my life so far. But,” he looked directly at me, “it’s worth it.”

And so it went.

Everyone spoke—some more than others. I could tell that the ones that didn’t say much were new here. I guess we all had to work ourselves up to the deeper stuff.

When the session was over we were dismissed. Alex walked me back to my room once more. I felt like a child being shadowed by a parent so that they didn’t run off. Alex seemed nice enough, but I didn’t like him. I could tell he was going to push my buttons.

Before he left me alone in my room, he said, “I’m looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.”

Boldly, I lifted my hand and showed him my middle finger, waving it through the air with emphasis. If he thought he was going to get me to talk about my feelings, he was mistaken.

???

Sutton

“Well, well, well,” Emery chimed the moment I walked into the coffee shop, “if it isn’t the mermaid.”

I shook my head and ignored him as I headed to the back. He wasted no time followed me.

“How have you been?” He asked.

I grunted and turned around to face him, my hands planted firmly on my hips. “You’re best friends with Memphis, right?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, clearly wondering where I was going with this.

“Then you should know everything, seeing as how the stubborn ass has lived at my place for the last week!” I cried, stomping my foot in irritation. No matter how hard I tried to get him to leave, Memphis refused to go. I don’t know what he was afraid I’d do, he never voiced it out loud, but I was rarely alone anymore. He’d been nice—he was always nice—but it was weird having him around all the time. Especially since I got along with him better than I’d care to admit. He was easy to talk to, fun, and let’s face it, nice to look at. But none of those things meant I was okay with him living with me for the time being. He had nothing to worry about. I wasn’t going to hang myself from the ceiling rafters. I was okay. I was taking my medicine—even though I didn’t think I needed it—and I felt okay. I missed Caelan and a part of me was still scared that Marcus would show up, but I was coping in a healthy way. I’d learned my lesson. Yet, I was still being punished for my moment of weakness. I knew Memphis, Emery, Daphne—all of them—deserved to know the truth about why I’d tried to take my own life. I was trying to get up the courage to tell them, but I hadn’t had

the guts yet. Telling my parents and boyfriend had gone horribly. While Caelan had been fine, I worried about what the others would think.

“Whoa,” Emery lifted his hands in the air, “I was trying to be polite.”

“Sorry,” I frowned. Stop acting like a bitch, I scolded myself. But let’s face it, I was one and I’d probably always be one.

When life hands you lemons, become a sarcastic snappy bitch—that was my motto.

I ran my fingers through my hair as I searched for the right words. “This has been a really tough time,” I admitted and—oh God, was I going to cry? I better not.

“I’m sure it has,” he nodded in agreement. “But you have friends, Sutton. You can talk to me. To Memphis. To Daphne. You’re not alone. People care about you. Don’t shut yourself off from us.”