Beauty in the Ashes

I wasn’t sure if she didn’t have feelings for me, or she was scared that she did, but she was always careful to make sure we never crossed a line. I was growing impatient. I wanted more than this. Although, I knew that this was better than nothing and I shouldn’t rush things. I was a recovering addict after all. Slow was good for me. I didn’t want to do anything stupid that could hurt me and ultimately send me back to that dark place.

The movie started, but I didn’t pay much attention to it.

Instead, I watched Leah from the corner of my eyes. I noted the way she flicked her hair over her shoulder or twitched her lips when there was a part in the movie she didn’t like. I liked how her eyes sparkled when she laughed at a funny part or filled with tears when it was sad. She was the kind of person that felt things deeply. When the movie was over, she turned the TV off and cleaned up the popcorn bowl.

I hovered in the doorway to her kitchen, my hands in my pockets. I felt so out of place and awkward. I’d always been a ‘charmer’, or so I’d been told, but I now found that I never knew the right thing to say. I felt so out of place.

“Are you okay?” She asked me, pulling her long red hair back into a ponytail.

“I have a lot on my mind,” I replied.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, grabbing her car keys off the counter to take me home.

I shook my head and decided to change the subject. “I’m going to look at spaces for my gallery on Saturday…would you want to come with me?”

“Saturday?” She looked to the side and I knew she was internally going through her schedule to see if she was free. “Yeah, I can go.” Smiling, she asked, “So, you’re really going to do it?”

I nodded. “I am. I’m going to use the money I got from the sale of my parent’s house to buy it.”

“I think that’s great, Cael,” she clapped her hands together. “I’m so happy for you. You deserve this.”

“Thanks.”

As she drove me home she asked me questions about what I thought I wanted to do with the gallery. I answered them the best I could.

To be honest, I was scared to take this leap. I’d be taking a risk opening a gallery, but it was what I wanted to do and for once I was going to follow my dreams.

I said goodbye to Leah and just like every time we parted, I longed to close the distance between us and kiss her. I never did. I didn’t want to push her away and I valued our friendship too much to jeopardize it.

???

“Wow,” Leah gasped, looking around the space. Her voice echoed through the expansive area. “I love this one. It feels like we’re in New York City.”

I had to agree with her. The ceilings were high with large windows, exposed ductwork, and brick walls.

“This one also has an apartment attached,” the relator spoke.

“It does?” That fact definitely piqued my interest. Not only would I have my own gallery, but I’d have an apartment too. I’d been looking for a place for a couple of weeks and kept coming up empty. Everything was either too expensive or a complete dump.

“Yes,” Bob, the relator, nodded, “it’s just around here.”

I followed him to a staircase that led to a door. The apartment was set up much the way my last one had been—everything open except for the bathroom.

“What do you think?” Bob asked.

“I think I’ll take it.”

Leah squealed with excitement and jumped into my arms. She shocked me by kissing my cheek, dangerously close to my mouth.

“Oh,” her cheeks reddened as she realized what she’d done. “I’m sorry.”

Bob cleared his throat and quietly left us alone.

Leah started to leave, but I grabbed her arm and pulled her against me. “Don’t be sorry.”

She mumbled something and her gaze dropped to the ground. I grabbed her chin and forced her to look at me.

“There’s something I want to try,” I whispered, leaning in. I’d wanted to kiss her for so long and with what she had done, she’d let me know she was ready.