Beauty in the Ashes

“I’m good,” he replied. “I got your letters.”

&nb

sp; “I figured.” I paced the length of the living room as I talked to him, nervously fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

“I want you to know that I didn’t send them back to you. I never got them.”

“Oh,” I breathed.

“Don’t feel bad,” he hastened to add, “but I didn’t want you to think I had ignored you.”

“It would’ve been okay if you had,” I said, taking a seat at the dining room table. I was glad Memphis was at work and didn’t have to see me freaking out like this. He already worried far too much about me.

“No, it wouldn’t have.” I heard him sigh and then he continued, “I’m sorry for the way I handled things with you.”

“Sorry?” I was taken aback. “What do you possibly have to be sorry about? I think we might have had the most peaceful break-up in the history of break-ups.”

He chuckled at that. “You’re not angry?”

“Nope,” I assured him as I drew random designs on the table. “I understand why you did it. Let’s face it, if we hadn’t broken-up then, it would’ve happened eventually. We weren’t right together. Two people as messed up as we were…that only spelled disaster.”

We both grew quiet.

Eventually, when I knew he wasn’t going to speak, I said, “D-do,” I had to clear my throat, “do you want to meet her?”

“Yes,” his voice cracked. It almost sounded like he was crying, but I didn’t think that was possible.

I suggested we meet at Griffin’s on Saturday of the upcoming weekend. It would be neutral grounds and he wouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable by coming here.

“Sounds good,” he replied.

“I’ll see you then,” I smiled, even though he couldn’t see me. “And Caelan?” I added before he could hang up.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” He didn’t need to ask what I was thanking him for. He knew.

???

“Stop it,” Memphis commanded, grabbing my hand to cease the destruction my teeth were doing to my fingernails.

“I’m nervous,” I mumbled, using my foot to rock Cayla’s carrier and keep her asleep. The last thing I wanted was for her to be fussy when Caelan got here.

“It’s okay to be nervous,” Memphis assured me and he rubbed my shoulders. His words and gesture did nothing to ease my nerves. I couldn’t believe I was about to see Caelan after more than a year. For the last few days as I thought of him, I kept remembering the broken Caelan I’d seen in the hospital bed. He’d been so thin, and unhealthy looking.

Cayla started to stir and I reached down to pick her up. Her sweet baby smell instantly put me at ease. Her blue eyes widened as she stared up at me, cooing softly. I rubbed gently at the downy soft blonde hair covering her head. From what Memphis said, Caelan had gotten a good look at her the day he showed up. I wondered what he thought—if he was as wowed by this little miracle as I was.

Emery came by the table and set down cups of water. “I didn’t think you’d want coffee, Sunshine. You’re already jittery enough.” He winked. “And are you even allowed to drink coffee when you’re breast-feeding?”

“Emery!” I laughed. Leave it to him to make this situation not seem so dreary. As he grinned at me, I thought back to how insistent he was that Memphis and I were perfect for each other. He had been right, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.

Emery walked away, laughing at my exclamation.

I didn’t get to see him as much anymore. I’d quit my job to stay home with Cayla and I used my spare time to help Memphis look for a spot to open his own restaurant.

The door opened and I looked up. I knew in my gut it would be him and I wasn’t disappointed.

He looked different from all my memories of him. He’d filled out more and his skin had a rosy, healthy shine to it. His blond hair had gotten longer and his eyes weren’t cloudy with what whatever drug he’d been using. When he saw me, he smiled. I hadn’t been expecting that. More so, I hadn’t been expecting it to be the smile of the boy I saw in the online article when I’d first tried to find out about him. When I saw it, I’d been determined to make him smile like that again. Only back then, I wanted him to be smiling at me. He wasn’t though. He was smiling at the squirming baby in my arms. Seeing him light up like that brought tears to my eyes. I was so relieved to know he was happy and healthy.