Beauty in the Ashes

I’m sure you figured out that Memphis is my husband. I hope you don’t hate me for moving on. You told me not wait for you, and at first I did anyway. I held myself back from any connection, but what I felt for him quickly overcame the pain of losing you.

Despite that, I miss you every day. You had an overwhelming impact on my life and without you I wouldn’t be where I am. I wouldn’t have found my own self-worth and saw that I was worthy of sweet, pure love.

Thank you for giving me our daughter. Within her I’ve found something worth fighting for. She’s given me the strength to seek help for my past. I want to be a better, stronger woman for her. So, I’ve been seeing a therapist. My doctor wanted me to see one a year ago, but I refused. Better late than never, right?

Marcus came back a few months ago. I’d filed a restraining order against him a little while before and it didn’t sit well with him. He’s not in jail, but he’s being forced to get help. I’m keeping tabs on him. I’m not going to let him hurt me, our baby, or any other woman ever again.

I don’t have your phone number, hence the letters, but you can call me anytime. I’d really like for you to meet our daughter. It was never my intention to keep her from you. We might not be together anymore, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be a family—an unconventional one, but a family nonetheless. I want the best for our daughter and she deserves to have her amazing daddy in her life. I know you’ll be great with her. She’s so wonderful and I love her so much. I want you to experience that.

All the best,

Sutton

I read over the last letter three or four times. I reached up to feel moisture clinging to my cheeks.

“Cael?” Leah asked from the doorway of my bedroom.

I wondered what she thought as she saw me sitting there with all of those letters scattered over the bed.

“Here, read them.” I told her. I had nothing to hide. She needed to read these as much as I did. I knew the past couple of days she had feared I regretted not being with Sutton. The thing was, I didn’t regret anything anymore. Regrets were really just puzzle pieces, they were all different shapes and sizes, but they fit together to make one large picture—the image of your life—and it wasn’t all that bad.

Tears streamed down Leah’s face as she read the last one with a hand clasped over her mouth to stifle the sounds she made.

“Cael,” she croaked, “you have to meet your daughter. You can’t stay away.”

“I know,” I whispered. Taking her hand in mine, I added, “I can’t believe that I have a daughter. Isn’t that crazy? Me? A dad?”

“It’s not crazy at all,” she replied, stroking my cheek with one hand. “You’re going to be an incredible dad.”

My heart felt exceedingly full of love at the thought of my daughter. I wanted to hold her and sing to her and protect her from monsters—those that were real and merely fictional.

“When are you going to meet her?” Leah asked, wiping away her tears and proceeding to pick up the letters.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll have to call Sutton.”

“Whatever you do,” she reached over and put a hand over mine where it rested on the bed, “don’t wait too long.”

She was right. If I waited I’d talk myself out of it. I’d come up with some excuse as to why I wasn’t good enough for my daughter, how she deserved a better father. But I was her dad, and I was going to be in her life no matter what. I wasn’t going to fuck this up like I had everything else.

I picked up my phone and called Sutton.

???

Sutton

The moment I saw the unknown number flash across the screen of my cellphone I knew it was Caelan.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, taking a moment to calm myself.

My hand shook as I brought the phone up to my ear.

“Hello?” My voice quaked with nerves.

“Hi, Sutton.”

It had been over a year since I last heard his voice and the moment he spoke it was like I could finally breathe. It was still the same low, throaty growl and instantly memories of the two of us flooded my mind.

“How are you?” I asked. They were the only words I could force between my lips.