Beauty in the Ashes

I walked away.

I walked away from the woman I’d once loved.

I walked away from the baby I knew in my soul was my daughter.

It was the right thing to do.

I didn’t deserve to have them in my life. I may have gotten myself cleaned up and wasn’t doing too shabby, but I still didn’t feel good enough.

I wasn’t a strong enough man for them. I hoped

her husband was loving and kind, and took good care of my girls. If he didn’t, I’d always be waiting in the shadows, ready to swoop in and save them.

I wasn’t angry with Sutton.

Instead, I felt peaceful. I understood now, that even when everything crumbled and your world turned to ash, there was still beauty—just like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

Shoving my hands into the pockets of my worn jeans, I stepped onto the sidewalk, bracing my shoulders against the cold wind as I took the first real steps into my new life.

A life without Sutton.

A life without pain.

A life worth living for.

???

Sutton

“Who was that?” I asked, coming out of the kitchen. I reached for Cayla and Memphis slipped her into my arms. He wrapped an arm around me, like he was trying to protect me. “What’s wrong?” I asked. I lovingly rubbed his cheek with the hand that wasn’t holding Cayla. My wedding ring sparkled in the light, and like every time since it’d been place on my finger a month ago I found myself smiling at it.

A year ago, I never would’ve thought I’d be Memphis Allen’s wife, but I was and I couldn’t be happier.

All he said was, “I think it’s time for you to mail those letters.”

CHAPTER 37

Caelan

I hadn’t known what to think when all the letters arrived from Sutton. She’d labeled each one with a number so I knew to read them in order.

They came only a few days after I’d left her place without seeing her. I guessed Lap Dance Guy had told her I showed up—and I really needed to stop calling him that.

After I’d returned I told Leah where I’d gone and what I’d seen. She’d been upset at first, but once I told her about the baby she grew angry with Sutton. I explained to her that Sutton had every right not to tell me. I’d been nothing but a fuck up the last time she saw me and I’d made no effort to contact her since.

As I read the letters I discovered she had tried to tell me, and when the letters returned to her unopened, she assumed I didn’t care. It broke my heart reading those letters. I’d never even seen them. The first handful was addressed to the rehab I’d been at, but they had a strict policy of zero outside contact. They’d been the ones to send the letters back. I wondered if I had gotten these if it would’ve changed things. I didn’t think so though. We were both exactly where we were always meant to be.

I got to the last letter and it was dated only two days ago.

Dear Caelan,

I really don’t know what to say in this letter other than I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to tell you about the baby. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough for you. I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m just…sorry. I know I’ve said that word so many times already in this letter that it’s bound to have lost all meaning.

I was shocked when Memphis told me it was time to mail the letters.

I’d given up on you and assumed I’d never see you again. I thought, and I hate to say it, that maybe rehab hadn’t worked out for you and you were in an even darker place than before. There were times I wondered if you’d died. I hoped you had moved away, or even that you hated me so much that you couldn’t bear to see me. Either of those things was better than the thought of you suffering. Why? Because, while my heart might now belong to Memphis, there is a part that will always be reserved for you. I care what happens to you. I want you to be happy and healthy and get your life figured out. I know I could’ve tried harder to contact you, but the fact of the matter was, I was terrified of what I might find out if I dug too deep.

Memphis said you looked good. That makes me happy. I only want the best for you.