Sweet Dandelion

I don’t want to read whatever lame ass excuses he wrote for me.

I start to tear the envelope in two but I barely rip it half an inch before I can’t go any further. My whole face is damp with tears and I stuff the letter in the bottom of my underwear drawer.

Covering my face with my hands, I let all my emotions out. I wail, these soul-crushing cries like I’ve never heard before.

I didn’t even cry like this after the shooting, but I guess by the time I woke up I was numb to everything.

I’m not numb this time, though, and I feel everything.

I hate it.

I don’t want to feel this.

It would be easier to feel nothing.

I swipe my phone out of my backpack and bring up his contact.

Me: You bastard! You fucking bastard! I hate you!

Me: You left?!

Me: How could you do that and not tell me!

Me: I hate you so Goddamn much. I never want to see your face again.

Me: Rumors are circulating about us, but I bet you don’t even care.

Me: Did you EVER care about me or was it all a lie?

Me: ANSWER ME!

Me: I hate you. I hate you. I HATE you.

I throw my phone and it bounces off the wall, leaving a dent, but I can’t bring myself to care.

Anguished sounds pour out of me and I fall to the floor, cradling myself in the fetal position.

It hurts. It hurts so much. I want it to stop. Mom, I wish I was with you. I don’t want to feel.

I squish my eyes closed, more tears leaking out.

Something echoes in my room and I crack my eyes open, looking for the source of the noise. It happens again and my mouth opens in surprise when I see the wind chimes gently moving, barely grazing each other when they shouldn’t be moving at all. It’s like it’s my mom talking to me in this moment. Reminding me of my strength and capabilities.

“My sweet, Dandelion. May you always be as free as the birds, as wild as the flowers, and untamed as the sea.”

“It hurts, Mom,” I croak, my voice raw. “Living hurts so much.”

My eyes fall closed again and I swear I feel the backs of her fingers graze my cheek, a g

entle kiss to my forehead.

I keep crying and at some point I drift off to sleep.

Chapter Sixty-Three

Sage comes home to find me asleep on the floor, still in the fetal position, with tears dried on my cheeks.

“Dani!”