Rae of Sunshine (Light in the Dark 1)

He smoothed his fingers through my hair and was quiet for a moment. “You know it wasn’t your fault right?”

I laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. “Cade, it was my fault. Nothing you say can make me see it differently. If I hadn’t looked at my phone, three people would still be alive. But I’m learning that I can’t blame myself forever,” I admitted, “and that’s all thanks to you.”

He smiled, rubbing his hand up and down my arm to keep me warm. The snow wasn’t falling as frequently now, but it still dotted our hair, and stuck to our lashes.

“You know it’s not your fault that your dad hits you, right?” I mimicked his words.

He chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Didn’t used to, though. For a while, he had me convinced that I was a horrible brat that needed to be punished. By the time I got old enough to see that he was just a miserable human being I…” He paused and looked at me, suddenly uncomfortable. “This is going to sound so stupid, but I pitied him.”

My eyes widened in surprise. “What? Why?”

He shrugged, clasping my hands in both of his. I was thankful for the added warmth.

“He lost his son, and that would crush anybody. Once I put myself in his shoes, I felt bad. I’m not saying if I lost a kid I’d hit my other one, but…I get it, I guess. Besides,” he shrugged, “hitting him back wouldn’t solve the problem. It would only make more.”

I looked up at Cade with awe in my eyes. In many ways, he had things worse than I did and he thought of everything so sensibly. That was rare and I wished I could be that way too.

Before I could speak I shivered again.

Cade stood up. “We should go. You’re going to get sick again and I don’t want it to be my fault this time,” he winked.

I bowed my

head, a smile on my lips as I remembered being locked in my dorm all day with Cade. I’d been so mad at first, but then I became thankful for his presence.

He led me down the bleachers and through the tunnel and locker room.

Once in his car, he turned to me. His eyes were serious. “I’m not ready for tonight to end.”

“Me either,” I confessed, holding my hands out where the heat could warm them.

“Not to sound presumptuous, but would you want to come back to my dorm? I’m in a single, so we don’t have to worry about disturbing a roommate,” he winked. “Not that I expect anything to happen,” he hastened to add.

I shook my head, a smile on my lips. “You are one strange guy.”

“Strange?” He repeated. “How?”

I laughed. “Most guys would expect something, but I know you mean it when you say you don’t.”

He chuckled, backing out of the parking space. “Are you saying I’m weird?”

“That’s one word for it,” I laughed again.

“Would you rather me be like other guys?”

“No,” I answered without any hesitation, “I like you just the way you are.”

“And I like you the way you are,” he chuckled.

I smiled. “Even though I’m an incredibly fucked up head case?”

He laughed and reached for my hand. “We’re both fucked up, Rae.” His face darkened from the shadows in the parking lot. “But that doesn’t have to define you.”

“It doesn’t?”

He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. You had no idea what I’d been through with my dad and brother. You thought I was ‘normal,’ didn’t you?”

“Yes,” I admitted reluctantly.