My hands wound around his neck and I squeaked when he grasped my thigh and pulled me onto his lap.
We moved against each other and I could feel him pressed against me, his desire evident, which only increased mine.
He moaned into my mouth, gasping my name.
“I love you,” I murmured again and again. Now that I said it I never wanted to stop. I wanted him to know that I meant it and I wasn’t going to retract my words.
He bit my bottom lip lightly, his hand cupping the back of my neck. He pulled away and our gasps for breath became the only sounds in the quiet room.
“What did I do to deserve you?”
I reached up, brushing my fingers over his slightly stubbled cheek. “I’m the one that should be asking that question,” I murmured.
“You underestimate yourself, Sunshine.” He ran his thumb over my bottom lip. “You can’t see what I see, and that’s a damn shame.”
The clearing of a throat had us breaking apart.
The doctor tried to hide his smile behind his hand. “That doesn’t look like resting to me.”
My cheeks flamed with color, but Cade was unaffected.
“My lips may have been moving, but my knee was stable doc. Don’t worry.”
The doctor shook his head, muffling a laugh. “Get out of here.”
Cade tossed the icepack at the doctor and took my hand.
After grabbing his duffel bag we headed for the exit. I couldn’t stop myself from looking for his father.
“What?” H
e asked, noticing that I was distracted. “Are you looking for someone?”
“No,” I whispered.
I was silently thankful that his dad had left. It meant I’d spared Cade from being hurt by cruel words and maybe even a fist to the face. A small part of me hoped that maybe my words had affected the man somehow and he could find it in his heart to seek Cade’s forgiveness.
Forgiveness could heal immeasurable pain, and it was time that I forgave myself.
twenty-five
“Are you going home for the holidays?” Kathleen asked before I could even sit down in the chair. “I’m sure your family would love to see you.”
Her words screamed ambush, but I kept myself calm. After all, I had no proof that she talked to my mom, but with a question like that it sure sounded like it.
“I haven’t decided yet,” I shrugged, picking a piece of lint off my black jeans. “Maybe.”
And that was the truth. My mom had started calling me every day and it was becoming harder and harder to say no to her. My parents had been nothing but supportive since the accident, so I had no real reason to stay away except for my own insecurities.
“Have you thought about visiting your friends?” She questioned, chewing on the cap of her pen.
I knew what she was asking. Did I decide to visit the cemetery where they were buried.
“I haven’t made up my mind,” I sighed. “I didn’t even go to their funerals. I was still in the hospital and afterwards it just…it felt wrong,” I mumbled, closing my eyes at the onslaught of memories. Oh God, the hate I’d received had been crippling. My friend’s parents needed someone to blame and I was the only person they could fault, and rightfully so. But I was only human. I had feelings. I bled. I cried. I hurt. But they didn’t think about what I was going through, only themselves. Going back to school had been just as bad. People looked at me differently, whispering under their breath as I passed. It had been horrifying and I was completely alone. But I always felt so selfish anytime my thoughts strayed down that path. I was alive and I should be thankful for that, any rude comments thrown my way shouldn’t even matter, but they did.
Kathleen stared at me, twisting her lips as if she thought deeply about her next words. I held my breath, waiting for what she might say.
“You act as if because you were responsible for the accident that you don’t have a right to grieve their deaths.”