“I’ve known West a long time. We tell each other everything, and I’ve never seen anyone make him as happy as you do. I want to believe you’re good enough for him …”
“I am.” It takes me off guard how firmly I believe that. “Because he’ll always come first to me, but I know I won’t be first to him, and that’s okay.”
Ezra screws up his face. “You’re not talking about me, right?”
“His siblings, obviously.” I shake my head, but I’m not finding Ezra nearly as annoying as I did earlier. “Geez, how narcissistic are you hockey players?”
“Most are a nine or ten. I’d rank myself a fifteen.”
“Another thing you’re the best at. I’m shocked.”
He laughs, white teeth flashing from behind his caramel-colored beard. “It’s like you’ve known me for years.” He glances over at where West is watching us and then leans toward me. “Think if I kissed you on the cheek his head would explode?”
“We’re never going to find out.” Because jealousy sucks, and I wouldn’t wish that on West for the world.
We head back to the table, and I resign myself for another hour or so of hockey talk. I don’t hold it against Ezra for monopolizing West’s attention because I guess that’s how the two of them are. And if I’m completely honest, jealousy aside, I’m not picking up on any sexual tension between them at all. It’s the insecurities in my head talking.
I manage to get them to shut up for the moment, but I know they won’t be gone for good.
Then Ezra winks at me from across the table. “Enough hockey. How did you two meet? Tell me everything.”
“Didn’t he tell you when he asked you to be my date to my high school reunion?” I ask.
Ezra glances between West and me. “He did what now?”
West rubs the back of his neck. “Umm, funny story?”
“You didn’t ask him? You told me he said no.”
“Actually, you said that, and I never refuted it.” West reaches for my hand. “There were a lot of reasons why I didn’t want to ask Ezra, but the main one was that I wanted to go with you.”
I should be pissed, but I’m not. I’m … touched. “You did?”
“That and I knew for a fact Ezra would’ve tried to sleep with you.”
Ezra raises his hand. “I don’t even know what you’re all talking about, but it’s true. I would have.”
“I couldn’t let that happen,” West says.
“Because of Ezra?”
“Because of you. For a professor, you’re not very smart.”
I don’t even care if he’s insulting me. Knowing he’s wanted me basically from the start, well, after I swallowed my pride, anyway, it cements what we have.
I just have to tell myself to remember that.
31
Westly
My boyfriend is drunk, and I know I’m not supposed to find it adorable, but I kind of do. Even if I end up needing to help him up the stairs at home.
The kids are all asleep, so they’re not here to witness Jasper’s stumbling and glassy eyes while he smiles wider than I knew was possible.
“I don’t hate him,” he slurs. “And that sucks because I was fully prepared to hate him.”
“Heard that,” Ezra’s voice trails after us. “And I love you too, Hottie Mc-Teach-Me.”
“Veto,” Jasper yells out.
“Shush,” I tell them both. “The kids are asleep. Don’t wake them.”
Jasper gasps. “Sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll stop talking now.”
I shake my head as I lead him to my bedroom and close and lock the door behind me. “How did I miss the sheer amount of alcohol you consumed?”
“Too busy with Ezra.”
“Is that jealousy or bitterness I hear?” I drop Jasper to the bed, and he sits on the edge, holding on to the comforter for dear life like he’s trying to get the room to stop spinning.
“Both.” He waves me off. “But it’s all good. My stupid brain is being stupid. Both you and Ezra have assured me that it’s over and you’re only friends, but …” He sighs. “I guess deep down I still feel like that ugly-ass gay kid sometimes. I see someone like Ezra, someone you have so much in common with, and then see me, some math nerd who’s unattractive—”
“You are far from that.”
“On the outside, maybe, but even now, twenty years later, I still see the kid I was. My hair might hide my big ears, Lasik might have fixed my eyes, and a lot of dental work might have fixed my teeth, but when I look in the mirror, I’m still me. It’s hard seeing you with Ezra knowing you two are probably better suited than me.” He’s rambly and a little slurry, but the message is one hundred percent clear.
He’s insecure.
I drop to my knees and work my way between his legs. “Jas, look at me.”
When he does, I see it too. Behind his muscular physique and this confident wall lies a person who doesn’t think he’s worthy because of the way others treated him when they wanted to feel better about themselves.