It’s not my job to make that insecure inner voice stop completely, but it is my job to make sure Jasper knows that I am all in.
“I could tell you not to be jealous, but we know that won’t work. What I can tell you is I’ve never been with someone who makes me feel the way you do. My life is still a mess, and it probably will be until the twins are in college or moved out or, hell, until they’re thirty. But with you, everything isn’t so overwhelming. I can deal with all the chaos because when you’re next to me, you give me everything I need for myself. But you’re not just an escape. You’re not just my rock. You’re so important to me, and I need you to know that.”
“I do,” he mumbles.
“Do you?”
He nods but averts his gaze.
“Wow, that’s so convincing.” I stand. “Come on, let’s get you into bed so you can sleep it off, and we’ll have this talk in the morning when you can comprehend how serious I am.”
I help him undress to his underwear and then do the same for me and climb into bed next to him. He’s asleep in no time, facing away from me, but I press myself against his back and wrap my arm around him.
I don’t know how to show him or what to say to make him believe me, and there’s a part of me that believes I shouldn’t have to, but I also don’t want Jasper to be hurting.
He gives me so much, and all he’s asking for is some security.
“This might be too soon to say, which is probably why I’m telling you when you’re passed out, but I want you to know that there’s one major difference between you and Ezra.” I take a deep breath and hold it because even though he’s not listening, the words hold weight, and they’re hard to say. “I thought I could potentially fall for Ezra. I’ve already fallen for you.”
Jasper moans, and I kiss the back of his head.
“I’m in love with you, Jasper Eckstein, and you’re just going to have to deal with that. Also, when we’re married, you can totally take my last name. No one will ever call you Fuckstain again.”
I fall asleep while spooning Jasper, but when I wake up, he’s somehow rolled over so we’re pretzeled together, face to … well, his head is buried in my chest, his hair tickling my chin.
His breathing is calm but not rhythmic like it would be if he was sleeping.
“You awake?” I whisper.
“Yeah.” His word comes with a side of pain in his tone. “Why is it when I was your age, I could drink copious amounts of alcohol and not feel it the next day, but now, I feel like I’ve been hit by a damn truck.”
“Do you want the smartass answer or the real one?”
“Mm, both. Distract me from the grossness that is a hangover.”
“It’s because you’re old.”
“Ha, ha. How original for you. Come on, you have to do better than that.”
“It’s because you’re trying to pretend you don’t remember me telling you I’m in love with you last night.”
Jasper’s head snaps back, and his brow furrows as he looks into my eyes. “Wait, I didn’t dream that part?”
“Oh, so you were listening.” I force a joking tone because I’m not used to laying it all out there like this.
“Did you mean it?”
“I meant every word.”
Jasper’s smile is breathtaking and takes over his entire face. “I love you too. Just so you know.”
“You do? I was worried it was too soon or we weren’t there yet, and—”
“I think I fell for you as soon as you broke Tommy’s nose. Now, if that’s not too soon, nothing is.”
“You should’ve told me you have this violent side. I’ll break all the noses of anyone who tries to be mean to you.”
Jasper sighs. “Where were you when I was in high school? I could’ve done with a protector like you.”
“I was in kindergarten.”
He winces. “That stings more than I thought it would.”
I chuckle. “I have this idea.”
“Is it never mentioning how old I am again so I can pretend we’re the same age?”
“No. I was kind of hoping … Well, the team is heading for the Frozen Four next weekend. It’s in Pittsburgh, and I don’t usually go away with the team, but this is a really big deal, and I don’t want Mrs. Peterson to watch the kids all weekend, so I—”
“You want me to stay here and watch them? I can do that.”
“No, I was actually thinking you would come with us. I was hoping to bring everyone and get hotel rooms, but I will be with the team a lot of the time. Zoe and Rhys don’t need much supervision. I’m more cautious about Hazel and the twins. If that’s too insta-family or you don’t think you can handle Bennett and Emmett, which I totally understand—”