All the Sauce (IceCats 4)

“So, right now, I have William on my list. I need the guys from the shitty relationships and now a fucker named Taco. Who names their kid Taco?”

I don’t want to laugh, but I do. “That was his nickname, and stop with the list, please.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll throw out the mental list,” he says with a goofy look on his face that says he’ll do no such thing.

“You’re absolutely impossible, Owen.”

“I know, and you’re absolutely gorgeous.”

I shake my head. “It’s hard for me to believe that… I don’t believe it.”

“But it’s true.”

“It’s not, though. I mean, I look at myself, and I don’t see what you see. It’s so frustrating that I allowed myself to get to where I am. I came here and just dove into school and work. I hardly ate because I was homesick, and then when I would, I’d eat everything I saw because I was so hungry. I lived off candy and iced coffees for a year before I realized I was gaining so much weight.”

“Which is okay,” he insists. “You were healing, Angie. You can’t hate a body for doing what it had to do to help your mind heal.”

I look away since tears start to fill my eyes. I swallow past the lump in my throat, hating how emotional all this is making me.

“You have to see that. You were surviving. You can’t hate your body for that. You have to love it for that. There are people whose bodies give up even when they want to fight but can’t.”

I press my lips together. Why can’t I see it like that? “I miss my family, so much, but I’m so scared they’ll be disappointed in the way I look.”

He makes a noise of concern. “They won’t give two shits. They’ll just be so happy to see you and love you.”

I bite into my lip to keep the sob in.

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed by your appearance, because all I see is a girl who survived some shit and fought for herself and her career. I find that amazing, and I find you incredible.”

I look up as the tears fall, and he lets out a small sound of distress before reaching for me and pulling me into his lap. I go willingly because I need it. I need the comfort. As I cry, he holds me, kissing my forehead and temple. He whispers that he has me, and I know he does. I nuzzle my nose in his shoulder as the sobs rack my body. I hate that I am letting go like this, but I want so desperately to believe him. To know his statements are true. I want to see things the way he does. I want to love myself. I want to be loved by him, which is absolutely terrifying and I’ll never admit it, but I do.

As my tears subside, I stay in his lap, holding him as he holds me. “I’m gonna send your mom a fruit basket,” I say then in a whisper.

He chuckles. “Why?”

“For raising such a great guy.”

“Eh, I’m cocky.”

“You are.”

“And a showboater.”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“I only have one dimple.”

“I happen to love your one dimple. It’s not your fault Evan took the other one.”

“That’s what I said,” he agrees, grinning against my temple. “But also, Owen just has to speak in the third person to inform everyone how amazing Owen is.”

I close my eyes as the laughter takes over, but we don’t let go of each other. We sit on the beach, the waves crashing against the shore, and we laugh from our souls. And I know, damn it, I know I’m in so much trouble.

But I don’t care.

Because for once, I actually feel as if I’m worthy of someone like him.

Chapter Fifteen

Angie

* * *

I think I may have fucked up left and right this last week.

Not in school or work—I’m killing it and doing wonderful. Even in the gym, I’ve been taking Owen’s advice and making some awesome strides. I’m really proud of myself, and I feel as if I’m getting stronger. I love working out with Owen, mainly because he’s so supportive and he doesn’t wear a shirt. He’s got one hell of a chest, and I love the hair around his belly button. But working out with him isn’t where I fucked up.

I fucked up by going home with him.

Not only did I bare my soul to him and cry all over him, but I enjoyed being in his arms. It was awesome being held by him, but the way he comforted me? I haven’t experienced that since the last time my dad comforted me. Owen is so kind, so loving. He listened to me, and he was very reassuring. So reassuring, I almost allowed myself to believe him. Problem is, when I got home, the first thing that happened after I opened the door was Leroy looked at me and laughed.