Only One Regret (Only One 5)

"It does," I admit, getting up. "I don’t know what to tell the girls."

"I’ll tell them I forgot we have to go bake a cake or something." She gets up and stands next to me. "I’m sorry I showed up like this."

"I was going to call you later to tell you and have this conversation with you," I admit. "It was time."

She nods as I open the door, and we walk in. "I’m going to wait here," she states, and I nod. Walking into the kitchen, I see the girls sitting at the counter eating a plate of fruit.

I look around. "Hey," I tell the girls. "Where is Erika?"

"She said she had to go to the bathroom," Emma offers, getting off her stool. "Are we going on the bike ride?"

"Um," I say, smiling down at her. "Maybe another time. I think Mommy said something about making a cake."

"I want cake," Mia says, pushing down as I walk them both to the door.

"I’ll call you later," I promise the girls and then Julianne smiles at me. I watch them get into the SUV and pull out, turning and closing the door.

I walk up the steps two by two, and when I get into the room, I know nothing will be the same again.

Chapter 36

Erika

"What’s going on?" I hear from the doorway, and I brace myself, sliding my pants up my hips and tucking my shirt in. My eyes never move from looking down.

"I’m getting dressed," I reply, zipping up my pants and walking over to the side of the bed where I just saw my shoe. Tossing the pillow off it, I grab it.

"I can see that," he says, and I can’t look at him because I know if I do, I’ll cave. I have to do this for him. "Care to tell me why?" His voice comes out calm, and I wonder if Julianne is still downstairs with the kids. When the doorbell rang, the last thing I expected was to see Julianne and the girls. It felt like the world was slipping away from me. As if my body was on the outside looking in.

"Family time, Emma said.” If I thought my heart was shattered yesterday after Julianne, I was wrong. Nothing could have prepared me for the pain that I had looking into her baby blue eyes and seeing that I was the one standing in her way. I settled the girls on their stool as I handed them something to eat. The tears ran down my face as I wiped them away so they wouldn’t see. I ran as fast as I could upstairs, making sure that I would be downstairs and ready to go when he came back in. I tore through the room like the Tasmanian devil, grabbing my clothes and dressing, and I rushed around the room. The tears made it hard to see in front of me. I thought I was doing good for time, but then I heard his voice.

"Well," I say, putting on my shoe and then walking around the bed to find the other one, tossing the pillows on the bed as I make my way through the room. I pick up his shirt from last night and then see the heel of the shoe sticking out from under his pants. "For one, I was trying to keep myself busy, and for two." I find the shoe and finally look at him. "I didn’t know if Julianne was going to come back into the house, and well, I didn’t want to be in just a T-shirt." I look into his eyes, and the tears sting my own. If I ever do anything for anyone in my life, it has to be for him. I have to give him this. The way Emma smiled at me and said she was going for a family bike ride, it broke me inside. Was I the one stopping him from having all of this?

"I see,” he says, coming into the room, and all I can do is stay stuck to the floor. My feet are almost as if they are glued to this one spot.

"Listen," I start, swallowing down the words and bracing myself for what is to come. "I just want you to know that if you’ve changed your mind," I force out, my voice trailing off. "It’s okay." I smile, and the one tear comes out. "I mean, I understand. Julianne and you, you have a family. There is a lot of history there." I leave out that he is the best thing to ever happen to me, as the sob threatens to return, I avoid his eyes. I can’t look him in the eyes. My hands are shaking, so I walk back to the bed, and I sit. My head down, I close my eyes for just a second to gather all the strength I need to get this conversation over with.