“A bit, but not as bad as it could have been, I’m sure.”
“Hmm.” She nods slowly. “That’s why I never saw you as the sort of person who would ride.”
I don’t know what to say to that. It is strange to Chloe. To me it just feels normal because that’s the way it was working with Stix and my uncle, we rode. But Chloe doesn’t know that side of me.
“I don’t know if I will ever get back on a bike again.” God, even as I admit that aloud it’s weird. “I don’t know if I want to after that. I guess you can still learn a lesson at twenty-five-years-old.”
Talking about my age brings back thoughts of the childhood promise that we would marry one another at twenty-five if we hadn't met anyone else. When we made the promise, it seemed like it was old. But now we’re here and it’s strange. We’re still young but we have been on different planets for years.
Would she want to make good on that pact and marry me now? I doubt it. I can’t imagine she would with all the shit I have done.
“I’m going to cook dinner.” I don’t know if Chloe senses the strangeness but she jumps up and scoots away. “You are probably starving. The food at the hospital isn’t that great.” She lets out a weird little laugh. “Anything you like?”
“You don’t need to cook for me.” I feel bad, as if she hasn’t done enough. “It’s okay…”
“No, I don’t mind cooking, I actually like it.”
“I’m not fussy.” I haven’t had a cooked meal in such a long time. This is awesome. “Thank you.”
My mom always made sure that I had a home cooked meal growing up. I never thought about the little things then. I still can’t believe that I threw that relationship away to go work with my uncle. I fell for the “family obligation” spiel, even though I had that and more with my mom and dad. Could have had that with Chloe….
I hear sizzling sounds from the kitchen which means food is on the way. My stomach groans, I didn’t even realize how starving I was until I heard that., It brings back memories of my mom’s cooking, and hanging out in the kitchen with her.
When Chloe offered for me to stay, I have to admit. I want to. But I shouldn’t. I can’t just walk away for six years and expect her to open her whole life to me. Plus, if I did stay, it could bring danger here.
I would never want to do that to her. Especially because I know it hurt when I left her before. I think I could stay here a short time, just not too long. I don’t want to draw attention to her that could put her in danger. And I definitely don’t want to do anything else to hurt her. She doesn’t deserve that.
I get lost in my thoughts for a bit, wondering what it would be like if I never left, or if we could pick up where we left off. I would give anything to go back.
“You want to sit at the table?” Chloe peeks her head around the door frame and smiles at me.
Ooh, so formal. Not what I’m used to at all. But of course, I nod and agree because I’m not going to miss out on the chance to have a moment of domestic normalcy.
“Oh wow, you are a great cook.” As I say this, Chloe blushes brightly. It’s cute to see this sweet little teenage trait. Maybe not everything changed in the last couple years. “When did you learn?”
“After I moved out.” She narrows her eyes suspiciously at me. “Why, you haven’t learned?”
“Not exactly.” I’m going to have to be evasive. I can’t stand the idea of her looking at me different, but I really am no good for her. “It hasn’t exactly been a priority of mine, no.”
I brace myself, waiting for the inevitable million questions to follow, but thankfully I guess because she has always known me and a part of her understands that I can’t answer them, she says nothing. Chloe changes the subject to something that I am more comfortable with talking about… the past. “You were never any good at cooking in high school anyway. I remember the time when you nearly set the house on fire.”
I toss my head back and laugh, grateful for the fun memory. “You’re right, I was a disaster.”
“Only in that department though,” Chloe continues. “You were wonderful at everything else. Top of the class. Everyone always thought that you would end up as a lawyer or a doctor…”
Oh great, now I’m recounting my failures. The idea that I could have been someone really impressive. It makes my chest ache knowing that while Chloe says ‘everyone’ she really means herself. That’s what she thought I could have become, and I let her down.