“Where did you go? I suppose everywhere, since it’s been four years.”
“Right, ah…yes.” I can’t even think straight to answer him properly. He will have to deal with a vague answer because I’m far too rattled to give him anything more than that. “I have been all over the place.”
“I see. And now you are back?” He poses that as if it’s a question. So, I nod. “And working at Aqua Emporium?”
“Yes…” I turn to face him so that he can see the seriousness in my eyes. “But I didn’t know you worked there. As soon as I got back, I applied for everything and they are just the people who happened to call me back. I don’t have a college education or anything, but work experience in many different areas, so I didn’t have a ton of options. If I had even I would have applied somewhere else for sure…”
“I know you didn’t. I understand that.” He stuffs his hands in to his pockets awkwardly. “It was a shock to see you this morning. I wasn’t expecting to see you but that doesn’t excuse my bad mood.” He’s silent and since I can see him processing, I don’t interrupt him. “But I will be better in future. I mean, we will be working together, right? Sort of. In different departments but in the same building, so the best that we can do is be civil with one another.”
My heart sinks and soars all at once. Garrett Willis isn’t a person that I ever thought I would have to “be civil” with, but it’s better than nothing. I prefer it to the awkwardness that we have at the moment.
“Sure.” I force a smile on my lips. “Yeah, that sounds good to me. Civil. Perfect.”
We take a seat by Sadie’s grave and sit there in silence for a little while, both lost in our thoughts. While I can’t apologize to her aloud with Garrett by my side, I can do it inside my mind. I let everything spill through my thoughts that I have been trying to block out for all this time. God, I miss her.. Sitting here like this is strangely cathartic.
“You know, I might be headed to the bar,” Garrett tells me. “So, you can come, or I can leave you here alone, whatever you want to do.” He shrugs awkwardly. “I don’t know how much time you need or whatever, but… I don’t know. I just wanted to let you know what I’m doing.”
It would be nice. A drink with Garrett could really clear the air, but I also don’t want to push things. I think that me and him have done enough today. We made progress which is more than I expected this fast.
“I have to go and see my dad.” I rise to my feet and smile at Garrett. He grins back. “He isn’t well and he needs me. I have already been gone too long. I’m sure he’s wondering where I am.”
We shake hands. Which is weird. It feels far too formal for us, but this is the best we can hope for at the moment. It’s certainly better than nothing.
Chapter 16 – Garrett
Adjusting to Jill – Weeks Later – 2019
“So, how are things?” Benny hisses into the phone, clearly ignoring the part where I told him that I couldn’t talk because I’m in the office. “With Jill, I mean. I never get to see you anymore because you don’t come to the bar.”
Hmm, that’s true. If there is one thing that Jill has sparked in my life lately, it’s less time spent drinking. I didn’t even realize that I had been avoiding Benny and the bar until now, but it’s the truth. After work, instead of going straight to the bar like I used to, I spend time with Sadie, or with my new therapist… that part came as a shock even to me. I never thought that I would talk to anyone about this, but seeing Jill made me feel it all, all over again, and I thought that that was the best solution. Even more of a surprise, is that it’s helping.
“Yeah, it’s all good,” I whisper back. “I mean, it isn’t like we see one another a lot. She doesn’t work in the same department as me. We aren’t friends. But it’s better to be cordial. That’s where we are at.”
It’s funny, we even smile at one another as we see each other. It isn’t like nothing has happened, the past still hangs heavily between us, but there’s a part of me that’s learning to move on. Much as I feel guilty and want to make things different, I can’t go back in time. I don’t have to hate Jill and myself for it. Not anymore.
Jill was always a brunette beauty, that’s what drew me to her in the first place. Plus her smile, her sense of humor, the way that she just seemed to get me in a way that no one else did or has since. To be honest, even now I still see that in her. She has grown up gorgeous, maybe even more so than she was in high school. If things hadn’t gone the way they had I know me and her would still be together…