I should leave Aqua Emporium, that’s what I should do. I should… but the problem is he knows that I am around now. We aren’t in the same department, and I do need the money for Dad…so, I guess I’m staying.
God damn it. I don’t know what to do. All I know for sure is that I can’t tell my father. I know my dad will see the stress on my face right away, and I can’t share this with him because that man has enough to worry about at the moment.
I find myself wandering, sort of aimlessly. There is one person I have been desperate to see for days, but I haven’t had the courage yet. Now, I need to see her. I need to get everything off of my chest. If I can say sorry, it might help me move on.
Sadie. I need to see where my best friend. I haven’t ever seen where she was buried after we put her in the ground that day. I wanted to put it off, but after the day I have had… well, it’s now.
Only, when I get to the graveyard, something halts me in my tracks. There is a shadowy figure sitting by one of the graves. Of course, there are a lot of people buried here, so this person could be visiting anyone, but my heart hammers like crazy, I know who it is.
Garrett. I don’t know how I know from all the way over here, but I just sense that it’s Garrett. I suppose seeing me sent him running to Sadie’s grave as well. Unless this is something that happens all the time. He could come and visit her every single day for all I know. In this moment I feel sad for him, and sad for myself for all the time that I have missed out on seeing my friend.
I need to run away without him seeing me. Sure, I want to spend some time with Sadie, but not at the same time as him. I’m obviously not in a position to ask him to leave so I can stay, I don’t want to make it worse. I think he might even be crying which makes my heart bleed for him. I know coming here, that I have for sure interrupted a moment between them. And I would love to go to him and give him comfort, but I don’t know Garrett anymore.
With my heart in my throat, I start to back away, trying not to make a sound. As soon as I am far enough away from Garrett so that he can’t see me anymore, I will turn and run like the fucking wind until I get home. Only a couple more steps….
“Jill.”
Oh my God, was that him calling out my name? Holy shit, did he see me?
“Jill, is that you?”
I spin slowly. Turning awkwardly until my eyes have locked with his. Yep, that was definitely Garrett shouting at me and I can see that he has been crying. This is a nightmare.
“Erm, yes?” I’m shaking. Head to toe trembling. I might be crimson with humiliation as well.
“Are you here to see Sadie?” He cocks his head to one side and stares at me curiously. “Because I can go.”
“No, don’t go.” I wave my hands frantically in front of my face. “You were here first. I will go…”
“I don’t want to be in your way. I know that I have been a dick to you but you must miss her too…”
There is something new in his eyes now. No longer that same hatred but more of an understanding. Perhaps it was just shock earlier today. He wasn’t expecting me to turn up in his workplace, understandable, so that made him act out. Now he has had some time to calm down and seems much more reasonable.
“We can… both stay.” I cringe as those words leave my mouth. Did I really just say that? Oh God, that sounds like a terrible idea, the pair of us here together, talking about the past… I’m sure that my therapist would tell me to face this head on, but I’m not sure that I can handle that. “If you want.”
He shrugs as an agreement to my statement and we both move together, back towards the gravestone. My heart is in my throat
“Oh wow.” I breathe out as soon as I am looking at Sadie’s name.
“I know, it’s hard to believe, isn’t it?” Garrett’s tone of voice is softer now, I feel like he’s being understanding with me at last. Or at least trying. “I get that. I bet you haven’t been here before. Seeing it for the first time since the funeral makes it more real. You’ve been all over the world, or so I heard… right?”
I feel awkward as I nod, because I ran off and left him behind to face all of this by himself. “I did, yes.”