“She is?” Much to my surprise, my mom actually sounds excited. “Well that is amazing news. I have wanted to see her for years. How is she? Oh, tell her to come see me…”
“You can’t be serious?” I can’t hide my shock. “You really want to see her?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Mom offers me a one shouldered shrug. “She has always been like a daughter to me. So, why wouldn’t I want to know how she is doing? She’s been traveling, am I right?”
“Uh huh… but it won’t be… you know, hard for you? To see Jill, I mean?”
“Son, every single day is hard for me. But that doesn’t mean that the rest of us can’t live. Jill was wonderful to Sadie, the girls had such a good friendship. We can’t let that vanish after what happened.”
I don’t know if she fully understands what happened back then. I tried to tell Mom, without going into all of the details. I just said that Sadie discovered me and Jill kissing, but she doesn’t blame us for her decision to walk home. She never has. Mom blames the drunk driver, but has found it in her heart to forgive him. She’s a bigger person than me. But also my idol. I wish I had her strength.
“You have to tell Jill that I want to see her, Garrett,” Mom insists, almost as if she can see the doubt and confusion on my face. “I know this isn’t easy for you to understand but, Sadie would want me to still see Jill, she would want me to check in on her and keep up with her life, just like she would always want us to be happy. Even you.”
I make a scoffing sound and I don’t know why. Sure, I know that Sadie would want that, but it’s difficult to accept it for myself. “Yeah… maybe. I will ask Jill to come see you if that’s what you really want.”
Mom gives me a look that suggests I just don’t understand. Maybe I don’t. “I want both of you to come over for dinner this weekend. I will make that pasta dish you all loved as kids. Remember that? You asked me to make it all the time.”
“Hmmm, sure. I remember.”
The idea makes my stomach hurt, but mom won’t take no for an answer. She also has this way of getting me to do whatever she wants without even realizing it. It’s annoying… also, Jill might say no anyway. I have been making so much progress in therapy lately, who knows, this could be the next step in healing for all of us.
Chapter 17 – Jill
“What the hell?” I mutter as I see the new friend request on my social media site. “Garrett Willis?”
Why the hell is he adding me now? I deleted my original social media sites when I ran away because I didn’t want anyone to know where I was or what I was doing. But two years ago I got a new account. I don’t have many friends on it, just a few people from high school and some that I met around the world, but I never ever expected to have a request from Garrett. Even when people from the office started to add me, I didn’t think this would happen in a million years. Yet here I am, looking at his photo.
I click accept and butterflies swirl in my stomach.
“Oh my God.” As soon as I accepted the request, I get to see more of who Garrett has become over the last four years. I go searching through his photos, friends, tagged locations and posts to see what he’s been up to, but it doesn’t take long.
I’m saddened by what I see. Garrett always had so much going for him, he was popular, super smart, outgoing and was really goal oriented when I knew and loved him, but his social media tells a different story. It tells the tale of a quiet and small life, where he spends the majority of his time at a dive bar in town here, which isn’t like him at all. The Garrett that I knew didn’t even drink much, so this has to be because of what happened.
I knew that it affected him as much as me. I could see it at the funeral but seeing it out on social media over the last few years, for everyone to see… it’s hard. I mean, I’m not much of a social media person, I don’t post everything I do, but I can still see that I had more of a life than him. Poor Garrett, he didn’t give himself time to breathe and grow, he hasn’t even left here to get away, it’s depressing.
All I want to do is hug him, make him feel better somehow. I don’t think I’m the person he wants to comfort him, but I still want to. I can’t help myself. It’s the past that we shared together, the closeness that we had. I miss it.