That doesn’t stop me from logging on to the website though. I still go to the airline website and look at the flights, trying to see where I can escape quickly and cheaply. If I’m going to go then I need to do it right now…
“No.” I might be scrolling through the flights, but that doesn’t mean I can book any of them. And not only because I will have to wait to sell the house before I can afford anything, but because I’m the only person who can set up my father’s funeral, and deal with all of his stuff. There isn’t anyone else but me to sort all that out and I owe my dad that much. Plus, Aqua Emporium just hired me, they took a chance on me and I have been doing surprisingly well there. I don’t want to give it up yet.
I have to stay. I have to face things head on this time, even if it hurts. I will get some time off work to deal with this, but eventually I need to go back. I have surprisingly enjoyed settling down here and I don’t know if I’m ready to leave it just yet. Maybe once some time has passed and things have calmed down a bit, I will be able to make a decision. One based on what I really want to do rather than just running.
I’m really trying to be more mature this time around, but it isn’t easy. I feel more lonely than ever before.
“Fuck, life is hard,” I moan to myself, desperation circling my body.
Who knows, maybe my bad luck has finally run out. Maybe life will have an upturn after all of this, and I will finally find happiness… real happiness… wouldn’t that be really something?
Chapter 24 – Garrett
The Funeral – 2019
It’s been damn near impossible to not see Jill for such a long time. It’s been especially bad because she hasn’t even been in to work so I haven’t seen her at all to know how she’s doing, but today I will see her. I can be her friend and her support.
I’m nervous though. That isn’t being helped by this church. Sure, we don’t really have any option in this small town, but it’s too much. It’s reminding me too much of losing Sadie and I don’t know how to handle it.
There she is. My heart damn near stops beating as I finally see her. Jill, in a deep black dress and red eyes from crying. People are talking to her, offering her sympathy and asking questions, but she’s a bit of a blank slate giving them nothing. I can remember that feeling all too well and it’s horrible. She needs me. She might not have called me to ask for my help, but I can see from her face that she needs someone to help her out. Oh, Jill.
I pause where I am for a few moments, just watching her, before my heart can’t take it anymore. I take strides across the ground to close the gap between us as fast as I can to hold her… or whatever she needs.
“Jill.” I reach out to her, and she surprises me by falling into my arms and letting me hug her. “Are you okay? Is there anything that you need me to do? I’m so sorry…”
“I don’t know what I would do without you,” she mutters into my chest. “You got all of this started. The funeral and everything else. I wouldn’t have been able to do anything without that. Honestly, you have been a life saver.” She pulls back her head to look at me. “I keep wanting to call you but it’s been busy. You know how it is.”
“Yeah, I know. I remember. But you have done an amazing job. This is great.”
“You think he would like it?” She stares back at the church. “I hope so. I want to make him proud.”
“Paul was always very proud of you, that much I do know. He will be forever, Jill, because you are an amazing woman …”
I want to tell her how proud I am of her as well. I also would love nothing more than to tell her that I love her, but we have agreed to be friends at the moment, and I don’t want any rash emotional decisions to be made. If she ever decides that she wants to be with me again, I want it to happen when she is in the right frame of mind.
Right now, I only need to look at Jill to see the intense sadness radiating off of her. She is a mess. Her shoulders might be high and her expression may be one of sheer determination, but I can still feel it. It’s awful.
“Thank you, Garrett, that means a lot to me.” She wipes a stray tear away. “Thank you for coming. I mean, I knew that you would, but I still appreciate it. It means a lot to me that you are here. I hope you know that.”