“I don’t know,” she says.
My shirt is drenched with her tears.
“I got angry with you for being angry at me, too, Violet. But I get it. I’m most pissed at myself for putting what we have at risk. If I thought for a second… I don’t know. I guess I was cocky. Then, I thought you called the cops on me.”
She tilts her beautiful head and frowns. Confusion. I fucking love this girl even more now than I did a second ago, and I never would’ve thought that was possible. But it is. Because I can see in her eyes that the idea of calling the cops on me is unthinkable. She never considered that. Not fully.
Hope – I’ve got it in spades now.
“What do you mean?” she asks, tipping her chin up. Our mouths are close enough that I touch my lips to hers just briefly.
She bites her lip and goes stiff, so instead of deepening the kiss, I run my fingertips along her jaw. She forgets to shrivel away this time.
“The cops showed up here the day after you left, and I thought they were here to arrest me. But a former employee was found dead and she had my business card on her.”
Violet straightens. “What?”
“Amber. The one I fired the first night I took you to Genesis. She overdosed. They said bad drugs. They wanted my help ID’ing her. Hoped that because she had the business card on her, that I’d have a clue who she was.”
Violet looks confused, searches my face, and then her expression changes.
“Anyway, that’s irrelevant. But it was a wake-up call. You leaving, you being afraid of me, having a panic attack, it hit hard, baby, and I’ve –”
“I need to go to the bathroom.” She shoots to her feet and rushes into the powder room.
I wait. It feels like I’m waiting a long time.
She has zero color in her face at all when she emerges. Instead of coming back to me on the couch, she rushes toward her coat and then she’s pulling it on. “I need to go.”
I straighten up.
“I’ll call a cab. I need to go,” she repeats, trying to do her coat up, but fumbling. Her fingers are trembling as she hooks her purse over her shoulder.
“Violet?”
She shakes her head, opening her mouth but nothing comes out.
“You think I’m bullshitting you? After all I just said to you, you think I’m bullshitting and that I had Amber killed? That’s what you think?”
She shakes her head. “I just need to go.”
“No. You need to sit your ass down so we can hash this out. I had nothing to do with Amber’s death. In fact, I’m helping the cops go after the guy responsible.”
“This isn’t…” She shakes her head, “isn’t about that.”
“Bullshit!” I storm for her, taking her into my arms. “I didn’t hurt her, didn’t have her hurt. I swear to you. I fucking swear.”
“I need to go!” she shouts, panicked, then lowers her voice. “I’m… I’m sorry but I need to g-go.” She covers her face and bursts into tears.
“Baby.” My heart sinks. “Please.”
She doesn’t trust me at all. And it’s my fucking fault.
“I need the bathroom again.” She pulls away from me and rushes to the powder room again and slams the door.
She’s immediately vomiting.
I stand there processing, feeling a mild vertigo sensation listening to the water run, to the sound of her spitting, until she comes out of the bathroom a moment later, looking distraught. I’ve upset her so much, I’ve made her sick. I make the woman I love vomit. I make her claw at her throat like he did. The hope is fading. She doesn’t believe a word out of my mouth and maybe never will again.
No. I’m not giving up. Fucking no.
“I have to go.”
“Don’t go. Talk to me.”
“I just… I need to-”
“I’ll do whatever it takes for us to fix this, Violet. I have ideas for what we can do with the ass-wipe so that-”
She rushes to the door.
I get there first and block her. “Why can’t you give me a few minutes and sit and let me fucking talk to you? I can’t believe we’ve devolved to this. I’m not lying about Amber, so just sit down with me and fuckin’ listen to me for a-”
She grasps her hair in frustration and growls in my face, which stops me mid-sentence.
“I’m not trying to get away from you because of Amber! Or Ray. Or you. I need to go to the fucking hospital,” Her voice chokes and I straighten up, “because when you were talking I could feel something and that something is that I’m bleeding. I’m bleeding and since I’m 99.5% sure I’m pregnant, bleeding is a bad thing. A potentially catastrophic thing, so I have to go to the fucking hospital to find out what’s wrong with-” she shoves at my chest - “our baby!”