Damen wanted to blame Garcia for going to this extreme, for using Nikki and her computer to carry intel they needed.
But it wasn’t just Garcia’s fault.
Nikki had taken a fierce interest in Damen at the hospital, and vice versa, and that was why Garcia had planted the device in Dr. Nikki Kane’s computer.
All roads were supposed to lead them here.
And they had.
Only…the intent had been meant as a physical metaphor, not a romantically doomed one.
“Nikki, I’m not trying to hurt you in any way. This wasn’t my game plan, but it is my operation, so I have to take responsibility for a
ll the moving parts…and the end result.” He gave an agitated shake of his head as he added, “I can’t even rely on or hope for a desired result. I have to see this through to the benefit of the government and the people who can use this intel to stop terrorists.”
“That’s not fair,” she softly said.
He eyed her quizzically.
She told him, “You get diplomatic immunity of a different sort, because you can sincerely stand there and tell me that you’re shattering my life in order to save others’.”
“Yes.”
“And the really shitty thing about that, Damen,” she said as she pulled in another shaky breath and tears tumbled down her cheeks, “is that I have to forgive you. I have to be completely selfless here and accept that you’ve destroyed something that means so much to me…for the sake of the greater good.”
“Yes.”
His gaze did not waver.
What the hell else was he going to say or do? He could neither refute nor deny her truth.
It was an absolute.
They were both absolutely fucked.
He rubbed his set jaw with his finger and thumb, wishing more than anything he could come up with some rationale or some alternative or some simple fucking answer that would solve their problem. That would appease her and yet still allow him to get the job done.
He had nothing to even grasp at, though.
Other than to feebly say, “I promise, we will take great care with your computer.”
“I would have given it to you, to Garcia,” she told him. “I would have gotten involved if it meant helping people, because that’s what I do, Damen. In times of crises, no matter how dangerous. All you had to do was let me backup my files. Let me remove them. You could have had the fucking computer.”
She tossed off the blankets and stood, the bed between them. Another barrier.
“You never should have been involved in the first place, Nik.”
“Don’t call me that,” she retorted. “You do not have the right to call me that,” she suddenly averred, as more tears spilled.
“The fear I just shared with you does not change what’s happened between us.” His gaze narrowed on her, daring her to say otherwise.
When she only gaped, he continued.
“You knew the computer was in my possession and it was going to stay there until I was satisfied with the offloading of intel. And yet you willingly—”
“Do not stoop,” she warned between clenched teeth.
He did. “You willingly joined me in my bed.”