Kellus’s buck-in-the-headlights gaze never left his when he quietly asked, “Why?”
“Why what?” he asked, wanting Kellus to be more specific. All this talking about feelings and emotions was way outside his comfort zone, especially with his deep desire to just be an uncomplicated happiness in Kellus’s life.
The color in Kellus’s face deepened, he remained silent, but the intensity in his stare caused Arik to continue.
“Okay, well, I found myself attracted to you before I even knew who you were. Not to mention, I’ve always connected with your art—you know that—but since I’ve been exposed to your entire collection, I’m finding the pieces that matter the most to me are the ones that are inspired by your personal life.” Arik paused and held Kellus’s gaze, trying to decide how much more to say. “You’re wanting full disclosure from me, right?”
Kellus pursed his lips and continued with that dubious stare, those blue eyes boring into his.
“Man, you make it hard to know if I’m moving in the right direction.” Arik sat back, his shoulders slumping as the unwelcome feeling of defeat tried to edge its way in. “Look, I want to move forward with you, but it’s hard to get a read on you. What I think I see changes from one minute to the next, and I don’t know whether I’m taking a leisurely stroll or stepping into a damn minefield. Hell, I don’t know where to fucking step to be honest. I’m not even asking you to meet me halfway, just stop trying to send me screaming in the opposite direction. I don’t give up that easily.” Arik took a deep breath and shared more of the connection he felt to Kellus. “Did you know I bought that painting of the man who looked sad, yet resigned? Remember, I studied that one for a long time the night you arrived with your inventory?”
“Yes. The painting of my brother,” Kellus replied, tilting his head to the side as though trying to figure out where Arik was going with his story.
“After a while, I could see the resemblance between you two. His expression haunted me. I wanted to know more about why he had that look and if it had to do with you. You’ve consumed my entire world.” Arik tried to explain, hoping Kellus could understand the purity of his actions.
“That was the last time I saw him. When I told my family I wasn’t giving up on John. That he needed me. He needed all of us. That helping him was basic human compassion for someone who had been in our lives for such a long time,” Kellus said, not with the tone of a jilted lover, but as a generous, caring man, and Arik hung on to his words.
Arik nodded, wishing he’d keep talking. Those few unguarded insights to Kellus’s life strengthened his desire to know this man. When nothing more was said, Arik spoke while running his palm up and down Kellus’s thigh, hoping to provide comfort. “I decided it might be something like that. He had to be family and some adversity had to have created that look. I bought it because I wasn’t certain you really wanted to sell that piece.”
“Arik…” Kellus interrupted, shaking his head. Arik could see Kellus building those damn walls between them again, pulling into himself and shutting him out.
“No worries. If I’m wrong, I can find someplace for it, but otherwise, it’s yours.” The waitress brought his credit card and the sales receipt for his signature. While she laid it in front of him, Kellus slid off the barstool and started for the front door. Arik got to his feet, unsure if Kellus just needed air or if he’d said too much and Kellus had decided to grab a cab and get the hell out of there. He quickly added a tip and scribbled his name across the bottom. He tracked Kellus out the front window as he headed toward the parking lot and Arik’s car.
Arik leisurely walked down the sidewalk, giving Kellus the time he seemed to need. As he got closer, he bypassed his side of the car and made his way directly to Kellus, who was leaning against the passenger door. Arik came to within a couple of feet of Kellus, pushing his hands inside the front pockets of his jeans to help keep from reaching out. “Tell me what you’re thinking. You’re much harder to understand than your art.”
“Honestly? I’m not sure dating’s right for me. At least not right now,” Kellus answered.
“I can see where it would be difficult for you to let anyone in,” he reasoned, trying to read between the lines of Kellus’s comment.
“It’s different than that. I’m not making you understand the shit-show that’s my life. Everyone has left me. I’m all alone. And it’s because ultimately, this really is too much for people to handle,” Kellus responded, mimicking his move by stuffing his fingers inside his front pockets.