I mentally replay our morning we shared. The way he looked at me. The love he poured into to me as we made love.
What if that was it. Our last moment together. What if I never get to tell him how much I love him. And that I want to start a family.
We finally make it to the hospital, and Lewis drops me at the emergency room entrance, leaving me on my own so he can park.
I am afraid to go in. What if I go in there and Joey is all mangled or worse…dead? I don’t think I can do this. I shake my right hand and bring it to my mouth, chewing on my thumbnail. How do people do this? How do they walk through those double doors not knowing if their life will be changed forever once they do?
I’m not ready for my world to change. Joey and I have a good life. We’re so happy. I don’t want it all to be ripped away. I don’t want all our good to go away. I don’t want things to change.
“Sweet girl,” Lewis says approaching me as I pace by the double doors, scared of what the other side holds. “All this pacing isn’t going
to change what you are about to face. Joey needs you right now. Be strong for him.” He squeezes my shoulders. “You are a lion. Whatever happens, you’ll handle your shit like the tough bitch I know you to be.”
“You’re right.” I nod wiping away my tears. I have to be strong for Joey no matter what. I can’t afford to be selfish. When we walk through the double doors a blast of cold air hits me in the face, along with all the sadness and pain the waiting room holds.
Lewis holds my hand as I approach the receiving window.
“Can I help you?” An older nurse with beady eyes asks, clicking on the keyboard of her computer.
I open my mouth to speak, but no sound comes out.
Lewis takes charge being my voice and my strength. “We got a call about Joe Carwell.”
“Are you family?”
“No, but this is his girlfriend.” He points to my tear streaked face.
“Sorry, immediate family are the only ones allowed back, he was in a serious accident. I can’t release more than that. If you take a seat, I believe his sister will be out in a moment.”
“Tha-thank you,” I finally stutter out as Lewis leads me to the empty plastic chairs in the corner.
This room is terrifying and loud. There are so many people bustling in and out. Some in tears, others with smiles of relief plastered over their faces.
Finally, Natalie comes out of the emergency room. Her white shirt and gray slacks are covered in blood...Joey's blood. I just know it belongs to him. I can see it in her blank stare—pain…loss. I feel faint as bile rises in my throat.
She rushes over to me squatting down and hugging my neck. “I’m so sorry, Audrey. I tried to stop him, but he was so mad at me.” She wipes her nose on my shoulder as her tears fall. She sobs into my hair as I clutch onto her, waiting for her to just say the words. The words I never imagined I would ever hear. Joey is gone.
“He’s in surgery. There’s a waiting room for family. I’ll take you there. Ma is on her way.”
Relief floods me, he’s okay.
He is alive.
That’s all that matters.
I take a deep breath.
Inhale. Exhale.
Repeat.
Inhale. Exhale.
Repeat.
One foot in front of the other.
Lewis and I follow my best friend to the other waiting area. As we walk she fills us in. They had a disagreement, which isn’t surprising being they are always squabbling. Over what though, I am not sure, but that isn’t important right now. Anyway, Joey became upset and exited the car. When he went to cross the street, a car came flying through the intersection, and struck him at a high rate of speed. Natalie was about to make her turn and watched it all happen. She left her car running in the middle of the intersection, rushing to her brother’s side.