Chapter 15
Nate
Audrey is meeting my gaze and not backing down. I want to kiss her even if it’s wrong. She’s beautiful. I keep trying to push her away because I am so damn attracted to her its making me feel crazy. I shouldn’t want to make love to my brother’s woman, but he’s not here to stop me. The rain begins to pour down harder than before, blowing in on us as I throw all my reservations over the ledge, bringing my mouth down on hers.
At first she doesn’t move her lips. I grab her by the back of her head and kiss her again, her trembling hand brushes over my stomach. Her teeth graze my bottom lip as I push my tongue through the inviting part of her mouth. Her breath tastes of Corona and lime, mirroring mine.
She’s still hesitant, her fingers don’t seem to know where to go, so I show her, wrapping her arm around my waist as I continue to explore her mouth getting consumed by our kiss.
Her sweet tongue brushes against mine and she moans into my mouth. I go hard at the sound. Her fingers rub across my back in a blaze of fire as her lips move in sync with mine. Kissing Audrey is better than I’ve imagined. Her lips are so soft. So tempting. I can’t get enough. I want more so much more.
Audrey pulls back catching her breath. “Nate, that was...” she pauses to find her words.
I’m waiting for her to say that its wrong, to run away, but she doesn’t.
“Don’t fight it, Audrey. You want me, I want you.” I kiss her once more as the rain blows in on us. She steals my breath away and this time it’s me who has to pull back. Because right now I want to push her against the glass door and devour her.
“Joey,” she whispers his name as if it’s dirty and not meant to be spoken between us.
“He isn’t here, and he’d want you to be happy, even if it’s only when it rains.”
Her eyes crinkle as she tries to clear her head.
“It’s not that I don’t find you attractive, Nate. I do, but he’s still in my heart.” Tears trickle down her pale cheeks.
“He’s in mine too,” I tell her gently as I brush away her tears with my thumbs. “Come inside. We don’t have to do anything, I’m just not ready for the rain to stop.”
She doesn’t say a word but takes my outstretched hand. I lead her into my place. There’s no way I can go to her apartment and be face to face with my brother’s memory. I know he’d want Audrey to be happy, but despite what I told her, I’m really not sure how he would feel if it were with me.
Inside, she takes a seat on the couch. Her damp clothes are sticking to her, and I want nothing more than to peel them from her body, but I’m not sure how receptive she’ll be to the idea. Wanting Audrey is unexpected, I wasn’t seeking this connection out, but it’s happened. And for reasons the world may never understand, my mother seems to think we would be good for each other.
She’s called me a few times this week making sure Audrey and I were doing okay with the bar. She even had the nerve to tell me I should ask Audrey out on a date. So I did and it was nice. We had a good time.
Sitting next to her, I fight against the anxiety that is beginning to creep up on me and ruin this night. Audrey is nervous too. Bracing her shaking knee, I still her movements. She places her hand over mine. “I’m scared that when tomorrow comes, we’ll wake up with regrets. Blaming it on the alcohol or the full moon. Our shared love of the rain.”
“Everything won’t always go the way we plan. We have no control over life—fate. We can only live in the now, and right now I want nothing more than to feel you skin to skin, Audrey,” I admit. Fuck do I want her so Goddamn bad. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
She sucks in a deep breath hearing my confession. She might tell me to get fucked, but I couldn’t go another minute without telling her how I really feel. From the moment I saw her biting that damn strawberry, I’ve pictured her on her knees while taking my cock in her mouth.
“Tell me about your dreams, the demons that haunt you. Tell me everything bad you ever did. I’ll tell you mine and see how we still feel. Sex between us, I don’t doubt it’d be amazing, but if we can share the darkest pieces of ourselves, and still want to look at each other after, then and only then, will I give this,” she pauses pointing between us, “another thought.”
I try to pull away, but she holds my hand firmly. “It’s easy to run away, but it’s a hell of a lot harder to stay when shit gets tough, Nate.”
She doesn’t waste any time getting into the heavy.
“You’re right. I dream about gruesome shit, Audrey. Some things I only witnessed while others I was responsible for. I have a lot of regrets.” I think of all the deaths I was part of, and my breathing nearly ceases, but Audrey’s presence keeps me on solid ground.
“Like what?” She squeezes my hand.
I don’t want to talk about combat, so I focus on her, and what I have wanted to tell her since I remembered how we met. “Three years ago, before I joined the Army, I was at a bar, Dusty Rose’s. I would go there and listen to a beautiful woman sing. I met this brown-haired girl, with gorgeous green eyes one night. She was hella drunk. Couldn’t hold her head up. I took her to her motel room and got her to bed. I left never knowing her name, until recently. I regret not asking for your name and your number, because I met you first, and life might have turned out different if I hadn’t walked away.”
“Nate…I don’t know what to say.” She touches her swollen lips.
“That’s okay because I do.” I turn her face towards mine. Her eyes are sparkling with unshed tears. “I know you loved my brother and he loved you, but everything happens for a reason. Every choice, every word. They all mean something and set off the events that shape our lives. I would give anything to bring Joe JR back. I’d give anything to go back and make you mine first when I had the chance. Maybe you were meant to be with Joe, but maybe you were meant to be with me too. I don’t know if I am explaining myself very well, but, Audrey… I want you and I need you. You’re meant to be with me now. I can feel it in my bones. I can feel it in here.” I place her palm over my heart.
She pulls her hand away and I immediately miss our connection. “Did you feel it in your bones when you were fucking your easy lay against the wall. Don’t try to deny it. I heard you.” She’s jealous of me being with someone else. However, I don’t know what she’s referring to.
“What? I don’t know what you are talking about. Audrey, I’ve not brought anyone home with me. I’ve not been with my ex in three years.”