Goosebumps fan across my skin as Nate takes in my disheveled appearance. My dark hair hangs wildly over my shoulders. My nipples are pressing hard against the thin material of my top and I hug Joey’s open shirt closing it around my waist, hiding what I can of my body. “The rain is peaceful,” I agree.
His brown eyes narrow on me and I feel flushed. “Goodnight, Audrey, enjoy the rain,” he says softly. His arm brushes against mine. A tear slips from the corner of my eye, and I don’t even know why.
“Nate…” his name comes out in a croak. “You stay,” I call out before he goes in. “Don’t leave on my account.” He pauses by the door. “You want a beer or something?”
“Yeah or something,” he whispers in a husky drawl that travels straight to my core.
I swallow and nod. Inside, I grab a pair of sweats, slipping them on quickly, while fetching two Coronas and some lime wedges I stole from downstairs.
Out on the deck, Nate is sitting in the other rocker. I take my seat back next to him, clinking our bottles together I say, “to the rain.”
He takes his drink and nods before tossing it back.
“So, tell me something about Joey, a secret between brothers. A story he would’ve never told me.” I’m trying so hard to remind myself that this man is Joey’s brother and I shouldn’t be thinking what it’d be like to kiss him. We came close on that ride at the fair and it thrilled me. But it also made me feel like a lousy shit.
He sits quietly thinking back perhaps. He chuckles softly and says, “He ever tell you about the tattoo on the bottom of his big toe?”
“He told me it was a mole.” I grin faintly remembering first seeing it when I was rubbing his feet.
“And you bought that?” he shakes his head smiling briefly.
I take a sip of my beer, twirling the bottle between my fingers under the dim of the moon.
“He lost a bet. We were at a bar the night before I was leaving for boot camp. We had one drink too many. Joe bet me and Trey he could whistle and make the ghost train appear on the tracks. I told him no way and bet him he had to get a tattoo if he lost. I don’t know if you knew this or not, but my brother was terrified of needles.” His eyes lighten with happiness.
“No, he never told me that,” I confess.
“Anyway, we staggered our drunk asses to the tracks. Joe JR climbed up the lamppost halfway and started whistling. The train never showed of course, and well we ended up at the tattoo parlor on fifth street. He was green in the face. Said he wanted to get inked somewhere no one could see. He decided on the bottom of his big toe not knowing it’s one of the most painful spots he could’ve gone with.” Tears tease at the corners of his eyes, dancing around the creases. Nate’s lips lift into a semi-smile as he reflects on that night. “You could hear him across the river he screamed so loud, and all he was getting was a black circle.”
He continues to shake his head and laugh. I think it’s one of those you had to be there stories, but I smile and laugh along with him. His laugh is contagious. After the laughter dies down, the rain has stopped, and we are left with the silence of our own thoughts—pain, grief, desire. There are so many things I desire but I won’t confess that to him.
I glance over finding his eyes on my lips. I turn my head finishing my drink. “It’s getting late. Lewis will kill me if I am late opening on his day.”
When I stand Nate captures my hand. His thumb rubs over my knuckles and his touch affects me more than it should. “Stay just a little while longer. Even an asshole like me gets lonely.”
“Hey, I tend to fly off at the mouth when I’ve had too much liquor. I can be an asshole too,” I remind him that I haven’t been perfect either.
“Think nothing of it. We both know what you said was true. I was out of line, Audrey. I’m sorry.” He is apologizing for that day in the storage room.
His large hand is swallowing mine as he continues to grip it firmly. Sucking in a deep breath, I am afraid to stay, but even more afraid to go. Nate is finally opening up and it is nice to see this gentle side of him like at the fair.
“Can you forgive me,” he says low, sounding so much like Joey a few of the strings holding up my heart snap.
Biting back my tears I tell him, “There’s nothing to forgive. Joey was your brother and you don’t know me. I’m an outsider. I can only imagine the terrible things your Ma had to say about me.”
; “Actually, she ripped my ass and told me to take it easy on you. She comes off mean, but she cares about you, Audrey. We all do. And as for not knowing you, I am making an effort.”
I roll my lips inwardly wishing I had my lip balm.
He lets go of my hand, but raises standing too close, smelling too good, sounding so much like Joey it hurts. Brushing my hair back, Nate says, “I can see why he loved you so much. You’re beautiful in here.” He touches my chest where my heart used to be. This man’s eyes never waiver from mine. I count the seconds as they tick by, scared he will kiss me, scared that he won’t.
Would Joey damn us for this? For finding comfort in each other when we have both been so broken and lost.
I wish he could give me an answer. Show me a sign. I now I don’t need his approval, but I want it as much as I want to feel wanted again.
My heartbeat is in my throat as I wait for one of us to find the courage to make a move.