The timer goes off, and I force her to stay seated.
“You want beer?”
“No. No drinking tonight, but you can go for it.” I wish I could get her drunk and convince her to move her stuff back in, but then she’d remember all the stupid shit I’ve done and leave anyway.
I hand off her plate and drink and she starts the movie while I collect mine.
“Urban Cowboy?”
“This movie is a classic, and if you say one bad word, I’ll punch you in the nuts.”
I cover my nuts and she laughs. I settle in next to her. I can’t keep my eyes off her. I don’t want to miss a breath. Every moment she’s here with me is precious.
The evening starts passing far too quickly. We finished the pizza forever ago, and the movie is almost over. “That Bud is a real asshole. I like him.”
“You would. Their relationship is so passionate and crazy.”
“Reminds me of someone I know.”
“And they found their way back to each other.” I walked straight into this shit, but Liri shifts and pulls me toward her by the collar of my shirt. “It’s time for your dessert.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to. Just because our timing is off doesn’t mean that this isn’t hard for me, Killian. I’m going to miss you so damn much.”
“Then don’t go.”
“I have to.” Her mouth closes in on mine. There is plenty more I want to say to her, but the time for talking is over for now. If there is one conversation we’re good at having, it’s the one we do naked.
Her tongue probes inside my mouth, and I let her lead. Tonight is all about Liri and reminding her that no one will ever love her like I do. Velvety and soft, her lips massage mine. Every nerve ending in my body is on fire. It’s taking all my self-control to not rip her clothes off right now, but I want this to last.
I need it to.
My fists are balled at my sides. Heavy breaths pass between us, but I won’t touch her yet. I only give her my mouth. If she wants more, she’ll have to work for it.
Chapter 20
Liri
Killian’s tongue sweeps alongside mine. Soft and warm his kiss is filled with so much love I can scarcely breathe. All the emotions he feels pour into me, and I swallow them down. Love, passion, confusion, sadness, lust. His fists are clenched so tight I’m worried he’s going to pop a vessel or something. I move to his lap, straddling him on the couch. The credits to the movie play in the background, but I tune them out. I grab his hands and fight with him to uncurl his fingers.
“Relax. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Not yet.” He closes his eyes, and my heart cracks more than it already has. I don’t enjoy hurting him. I should probably put a stop this and go, but I need this as much as he wants it. I press my lips to his eyelids and kiss him all over his face. Wanting to mark every inch of his skin with my lips and my love. “The moment I make love to you, you’ll be gone, Liri. I’m terrified to let this night end.”
“I promised you the night, and I meant it. I promise not to leave until morning. It’s not even fully dark out. We have time.”
“Not enough,” he whispers into my mouth.
“Touch me, Killian. Make me feel you, baby.” I lace my fingers with his and kiss him harder and deeper. My heartbeat is in my throat. He’s not the only one who is scared. I can’t remember what my life was like before him. How I managed to go through my days without thoughts of him consuming me. Killian is my world, but I know I need to gain some independence back, and he needs to learn how to let go of things out of his control. And leave his past where it belongs.
We hurt everyone around us. No one is safe from our destruction but especially not us. I won’t put our baby through that. I won’t put myself through it again. I’m not strong enough, and I know if I don’t walk away now I never will. He’ll resent me for the years he didn’t get to live carefree with no expectations. Killian is afraid to be good. Afraid to let anyone see the good in him because then they’d expect it from him.
I would expect it.
His arms wrap around me. Thumbs brushing the sliver of exposed skin between the waist of my pants and bottom of my hoodie. His lips move to my neck, and I roll my hips unable to resist grinding on him. His eyes open and our gazes meet, both of us knowing that love isn’t enough to save us. We were doomed from the start. A bad boy and a good girl who can’t tell him no. It’s time I learn to.
Killian lifts his shirt over his head and grabs the sides of my face. “I love you, baby. I love you so fucking much. I just want you back. You’re all I need.”