waiting a few more years before I came into the picture.
Brian wraps his arms around my waist and snuggles his chin into the crook of my neck, giving me little kisses. Standing not much shorter than him, my hair is long, dark brown, and naturally wavy. I am slim, with not much of a bust. I have always been athletic—I was captain of the dance team.
I turn to face him, and his green eyes are mirroring my own. They are gloomy too just like my mood.
“This is my last night home for a while, and I want to have a few drinks with the guys before I leave.” He sees my pout. “Come on, I suppose I promised you a ride on the Ferris wheel.” They always hold a senior fair for the graduating class, in a way it is a final send-off; it always reminds me of the movie Grease. But my life isn’t a movie, and we aren’t Danny and Sandy. Our happily ever after won’t exist after tonight.
As promised he takes me on the Ferris wheel first. It is an older one with deep bucket seats and the sun has started to set. We are stopped at the very top. The bucket seats rock gently, making my nerves spike. I don’t think we will fall, but I can’t help the thought from crossing my mind. A nervous giggle escapes my pursed lips. Brian pulls my face close to his for a kiss.
Caressing my tongue with his own, he sighs. “I am going to miss tasting your lips every day.” He brushes his thumb over my bottom lip, tracing the outline of my mouth, with his eyes closed.
“Ditto.” I kiss him again as we descend to the bottom. My heart is beating so fast, I know I need to breakup with him soon, but I’m selfish and want to enjoy being his girl just a little while longer.
We play a few carnival games and Brian wins me three stuffed bears. Taking my prizes to his truck, gives him the opportunity to have a beer or four with a few of his friends, leaving me to my own thoughts for a few minutes. I don’t know how to do this. Should I cause a scene and humiliate him? Or should I make him jealous with another guy? I shrug that thought away. I can’t do that to him or myself. I love him too much for that, and he would never believe that I am cheating on him. I’ve never even thought of being with anyone else, ever. Not once has the thought of dating anyone but Brian crossed my mind.
When he comes back, I can tell he’s been drinking a lot in the parking lot with his buddies. His eyes have that glossy look to them. I don’t like when he gets this way, he acts ignorant.
He’s already getting grabby, slurring some of his words.
“Lo-love love my girl.” He fumbles with the strap of my shirt and attempts to grab my butt.
On the rollercoaster, he tries to put his hand down my shirt despite my telling him to cut it out.
After we ride a few more rides, he takes me out to the woods for a walk. I am biting my nails; I feel like I may throw up the corn dog I just devoured moments ago. He backs me up against a tall pine tree. Brian places his hands on both sides of my face, keeping me in place. He slides his fingers under the spaghetti straps of my white tank top. His hands bite into my skin as he tries to push my straps down my arms.
“Stop, Brian.” I nudge him gently in the crotch with my knee.
“Aria, you know this isn’t goodbye, it is only for a little while.” He peppers small kisses down my throat. I suck in a deep breath as he caresses my face, being softer than before. The tenderness of his mouth, envelopes me so much I almost forget he is talking between kisses. “Next year after.” Smooch. “You graduate.” Nibble. “Beauty school.” Kiss. “Well, that’s what I want to talk to you about.”
He stops kissing me and lifts my chin to meet the seriousness of his expression. My heart is in my throat. Please don’t let him do what I believe he is about to do. Then my worst fear is brought to life as he goes down on one knee.
“Aria, I’ve loved you my whole life, and and I I am going to continue lo-loving you the r-rest of my days. Do me the honor and say you’ll marry me.”
I take a sidestep away from him and brace myself for what I need to do. It’s now or never. Time to end our relationship before I chicken out.
“Brian, I love you more than I probably will ever love anyone in my life. But there is something I have to tell you.” The tears start to leak from my eyes. He knows I am about to stab him in the heart, but I have no choice. He will hate me either way, but at least this way he will go without me holding him back.
“I’m not going to school. You know how I used to say I wanted to travel and be a model. Well, I am going to stay with Faye. You know she lives in Miami and it is a great city to get my foot in the door. Plus, she asked me to come. For the first time in my life, she wants me there. And she said she would help me with modeling. She knows an agent and everything,” I lie through my teeth.
“Aria....You don't mean that.” He starts pacing in front of me, looking at the ground. He stops right in front of me, a sad look in his eyes. “You can't mean that, “YOU. LOVE. ME!” He beats his hand on his chest over his heart, his face sobering with the action. “What about our plans? You were going to go to beauty school and move to Louisville with me once you graduated. It is all we have talked about for months!” Brian has tears of anger rolling down his face. It is killing me to hurt him like this, but I want a better life for him. I owe him so much better than this, but it is all I can offer him.
“Brian, those were your dreams. Not mine. That life you had planned isn’t the one that I want. I don’t want to be trapped in a small town life.” I turn away from him, the pain from the damage I have inflicted flashing behind his eyes is about to tear me down. I’m destroying him. Who does this to someone they love? I guess I do. I have nothing left to lose and need to drive my point home. I need him to hate me.
“You’re lying, Aria. I know you wouldn’t do that to me—to us. What’s really going on here?” He seizes my arm with force.
“I’m not. I am moving in with Faye. This is the last time you will see me. I’m sorry,” I apologize. My kneeing him in the groin forces him to let me go. Running off through the woods as fast as I can, I stumble a few times, but manage not to trip, even though I’m blinded by my tears. A low sob hiccups in my throat, as I try to pull myself together.
Getting to the opposite side of the fair, I spot a girl who lives on my road, and hitch a ride with her. She doesn’t ask questions. She keeps the stereo on low and lets me die a little more on the inside with every mile we drive.
I thank her for the ride and go inside. My dad is at work, as usual. I flop down on my bed, taking in all that I am giving up. My room is papered in photos of Brian and me. Since kindergarten, it’s been the two of us. I never had much need for other friends. I always had Brian.
He shows up at the house an hour later beating on the front door. He pounds his fist so hard, I’m afraid he’s going to spilt his knuckles. He’s screaming my name and begging me to let him in. I can’t, I’ll break if I do. I watch him through the blinds with a broken heart.
I have to call his older brother to come make him stop before he breaks his hand or someone calls the police. I can’t deal with him when he gets drunk and angry. He has never hurt me, but it only takes one time for someone to go over the edge.
His brother shows up and Brian takes a swing at him. Chase manages somehow to tackle him and sits on his chest until he calms, somewhat.
Finally, he manages to wrestle him into his truck, and I go back to my room to fall apart on my own.