One week later, I move to Miami, Florida, with Faye, my mother. Brian is hundreds of miles away living his dream. My heart is crushed. My mother had to have her number changed and made private to stop his calls. But that doesn’t stop the emails, and no matter how much I have tried, I can’t bring myself to delete my account. It’s my last link to him and the life that should have been ours.
In time, he will move on and forget all about me, and yet, I will think about him for the rest of my life.
A piece of me died the night we ended. I spent all of my life building him up only to tear him down in the end.
Chapter One
Almost five
years have passed since I have seen Brian, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. My son, our son, haunts me with his memory daily. He is so much like him in every way, from the color of his hair down to his toes, he looks like his personal mini-me. I had every intention of giving my baby up for adoption, but once he was placed in my arms, I knew I just couldn’t give him up, ever.
This day is always bittersweet. Today is Jace’s birthday, and with each passing year…I feel guilty, that I have robbed my precious boy of his daddy.
He turns four today, and I intend to make it his most excellent birthday yet. Now that Jace is older and getting to be of school age, I’m going to be working part time at Indigo, a strip club owned by Rightful Bastards MC. My mom is the old lady to the club’s sergeant at arms, Bender. I live in her house with her and he stays mostly at the club. I don’t know how she puts up with him. He usually only turns up when he wants a warm meal and a night in her bed.
It does no good to speak my mind about it though. She’s a grown woman and can make her own choices. Besides, Bender did give me a job at his tanning salon. The club owns a lot of businesses. They take care of their own and they have helped take care of me when I’ve needed it. At first glance the Rightful Bastards are intimidating, giving off the appearance they wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.
If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have had help watching Jace and a decent car to drive when I started working. When I showed up penniless and pregnant, mom and Bender made sure I had everything I needed. I didn’t want for anything.
I know a few guys from the club, but not many. They rarely come by mom’s house, and I never go to the clubhouse. A few members stop in the tanning salon to talk to Bender on occasion and their wives and girlfriends tan here, even though we live in Miami. A spray tan is much healthier than the beds or the real thing.
Tyler Mathews stops in the most. I’m not sure what his role in the club is, it isn’t my place to know either.
Mom made sure I understood not to ask questions or anything about the club, unless the information is given on a need to know basis from day one. I didn’t even know Bender was part of a club for the first month I was here.
I’ll never forget the first time I met Tyler. It was well after I had given birth to Jace, he was already two. Tyler had come into the salon to talk to Bender. He clearly was a man who took care of himself. His eyes were roaming all over my body as I stood behind the counter answering the phone.
I held my finger up as I took a call coming through. It was someone wanting yearly pricing. He continued to gaze at my body, like he was undressing me right there on the spot.
I returned his gaze taking him in. Standing at 6’4 and weighing a good 250lbs, appearing all muscle, with a nice tan complexion, he was pleasing to the eyes. His hair was dark blackish brown, styled neatly, and he had smoldering dark eyes. The kind of dark eyes you could get lost in. Dressed in a suit, he was dead sexy. I could see the hint of a tattoo on his neck under the collar of his shirt and another on the top of his hand.
“Can I help you?” I asked after ending the call.
He smirked, contemplating his words. “Yeah, you can go to dinner with me.”
“Dinner,” I repeated the word.
“Yeah, you know…I pick you up take you to a nice restaurant and buy you a meal.” His left eye twinkled with mischief.
And that smile—hot damn, he was a charmer. I could’ve been a goner, but he was there to see Bender. A reminder that we could never date, with his being a member of the club, something I wasn’t really looking to get involved in after seeing my mother and Bender’s relationship.
I promised Faye I would start dating again. But after a blind date from hell last year, I decided I wasn’t ready to put myself back out there. Then when Faye became sick, I knew a social life was the least of my worries.
But, today is about Jace and Faye. I fear it may be the last birthday my mother gets to celebrate with us. Her health has been declining. She has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The prognosis isn’t good.
The bills keep piling up, now that she is no longer able to work. She recently started chemo, but it has had no effect. She keeps saying I should just send her to a hospice care, but I can’t do that. I won’t.
Now isn’t the time for negative thoughts. I cannot wait to see the look on Jace’s face when he gets his cake; it is decorated to appear as if a live baseball game is being played on it. He is fascinated by sports in general. Give the boy a ball and he is content for hours. His bedroom is full of bats, balls, gloves, and helmets. Faye put decals of balls and bats on his walls. She even found him the cutest lamp to match.
This year for his birthday, I was able to find a great deal on a twin bed and sports themed bedding from a consignment shop. It’s time he starts sleeping in his own room. It breaks my heart to think he’s growing so fast, but I know I can’t coddle him too much. I don’t want him to be a sissy.
A few of his friends from daycare are coming to his party and our sweet neighbor, Caroline, who watches him when I can’t afford childcare. This fall however, he’ll be starting school. Caroline has been a blessing in my life. She is a retired school teacher, and great with Jace.
I have Jace and Faye taking a nap before the party starts so they are both fully charged and able to enjoy it.
I’m waiting for Tyler to arrive, he promised to pick up the cake and help me decorate.
He has been a really good friend to me these past few months. He isn’t looking for a relationship either, and besides he is now my boss, he manages Indigo. Besides, I get the feeling he doesn’t do relationships. In all the time I have known him, he’s never had a steady girlfriend. I get the impression he is a love ‘em and leave ‘em type.