I don’t know when we went from shameless flirting to great friends, but I can’t imagine my life without him in it.
He looks so silly coming down the street with a handful of balloons tied to his wrist and balancing a cake in his arms. I don’t mind his being around Jace since we are only friends. Though I have to admit seeing how intrigued Jace is by him makes me wonder if he is missing out by not having a permanent male figure in his life. Then again, can he miss what he’s never had?
I know I sure as hell have missed my own daddy since I moved here to live with Faye. But after I left, daddy started dating and living his life for him. I still see him when I can, but he always travels to Florida to visit me. I can’t chance a run in with Brian’s family. One look at Jace and they will know what I did—kept Brian from knowing he has a son.
I still keep up with Brian; I read things here and there online about him. He has recently gotten a divorce according to one of those gossip sites.
I don’t know if I can believe everything I read though. Brian hasn’t mentioned his troubles in the emails he sends. Although I guess a person can change a lot in a few years. I know I certainly have. I grew up quick once I had Jace depending on me. I never made it to beauty school. I take whatever job I can find that pays the most. I had thought I would draw the line at stripping, but when Tyler offered me a job, I couldn’t refuse. My mom and Jace are counting on me. Since mom got sick Bender comes around less and less. I know he hates seeing her sick and in pain, but she needs him.
I believe if he were present she’d have more fight left in her. Some days I feel she has given up all together. Especially the days she doesn’t want to even get out of bed.
Tyler and me finish setting up the decorations and refreshments. He fires up the grill and I wake Jace up to get him ready for his big day. Faye takes her place in her recliner; she spends a lot of her time in it these days.
The house we live in isn’t large, but it is decent enough for the three of us; Faye, Jace and me. It is a rental located in a quiet enough neighborhood. I would never be able to afford it on my own. It is decorated nicely—quaint, with a French Country Cottage feel to it. Most of my mother’s furniture is antiques she has collected from dealers and swap meets. You would think she is an old lady by her taste in décor.
Faye and Bender couldn’t make any more of an awkward pair. He’s leather and she’s lace.
We have a blue floral couch and yellow floors for Christ sakes and the doilies, blah. But the chandelier she put up over the dining table gives the room a modern chic vibe.
Mom paid the rent up for a year when she first learned of her cancer. I’ve only been responsible for the utilities and our cost of living, but the lease will be coming up for renewal eventually. Bender has offered to pay our bills, but my mom is too proud for that. Says she knows where he gets his money and wouldn’t feel right accepting it.
I wish she’d let him help out. Lord knows we need it. No, my mother would rather starve than take his handouts. Their relationship is a fucked up one—one I’ll never understand.
Tyler walks into the kitchen to get the hotdog wieners for the grill, and Jace instantly lights up.
“Ty,” he squeals trying to wrap his tiny hands around his huge tattooed ones.
“Hey, buddy.” He ruffles his hair. “Happy Birthday! How old are ya now? You have grown an inch since I last seen ya.”
Jace smiles a lopsided grin to match the one I have seen countless times coming from Brian. He’s following Tyler outside on his heels like he’s his shadow. It’s sweet.
I notice mom looking weepy.
“Don’t start, not today.”
“Seeing how his face lights up when he is around him, I can’t help but wonder if I made a mistake in the advice I gave you.”
“Hey, it was my decision in the end, and I stand by it. People are starting to arrive. We can talk about it later, okay?” I can hear children laughing and playing on the swing set outside through an open window.
She starts to cry. Shit! I wanted today to be a happy day. Faye has been doing this a lot lately. For some reason or another my mom has it in her head that she needs to find Jace a daddy before she dies.
&n
bsp; She needs to realize Jace has a dad. I just choose not to include him in our lives. It wouldn’t be fair for me to reach out to him now, especially with all the troubles he has. News like this might push him completely over the edge. And I don’t plan on her dying anytime in the near future.
“Faye, I know you want what is best for us, but I don’t need a man to be happy and neither does my munchkin.”
“I know that, but I just want better for him than what Jim and me gave you. I promise to be on my best behavior, but you’re a fool if you can’t see the way that man looks at you and Jace. I can see it! I don’t care if you are just friends or what his plans are. Sometimes life has a way of deciding things for you.”
“Tyler and I are only friends, and I intend to keep it that way. Besides, I. Am. Not. Ready!” I stress each word, enunciating them slowly, hoping she gets the point. Subtle and minding her own business are not two things she does well.
“It’s been well over five years Aria! I know you are hanging on to that fantasy in your head that someday you will tell Brian the truth, but life is passing you by. Don’t miss out because you are too busy hanging onto wishes on stars about what ifs!”
She slowly makes her way out the door leaving me to simmer over her statement. What she doesn’t know is that although it’s true that I haven’t spoken to Brian since we broke up, it doesn’t mean he hasn’t been emailing every so often. I have never replied to a single one of his messages, but that hasn’t stopped him from sending them.
In fact, I received his latest one a few days ago. Faye thinks I get all the information about him offline, but I hear it from him through his emails. At first, they started out telling me how he was sorry…for his behavior when we broke-up. He told me all about his new friends in college and about playing baseball for his dream team.
Then they turned into almost a journal of sorts. He began pouring his heart out to me about everything he was going through, from the pressures of trying to be the best, to falling in love again. That was the hardest to read. It was so hard at first not to reach out to him, to send one reply. Hell, just to say anything at all. When I lost Brian, it was like losing half of my heart.