Goody Two Shoes (Invertary 2)

His dad inclined his head in agreement. “I still think you’re making a mistake marrying Caroline.”

“Maybe if you stopped being such a bastard and made an effort to get to know her you would think otherwise.”

“Maybe,” his father conceded. “You know, it may be too late with your mother. I’m not even sure what to do, and if I did, I’m not sure it would work.”

“You’ve got to try, right? Maybe you should talk

to someone about your age issues?” Josh said.

“You mean like a shrink?” His dad chuckled. “I don’t think so. I don’t need anyone screwing around in this head.” He tapped his temple. “No, what I need are some ideas on how to win your mother back. I tried flowers, I tried cooking for her. I’m out of ideas.”

He looked around as though an idea would present itself to him, and then he grinned slowly. “I think I know just the place to start.” He gave Josh a look filled with glee.

Josh shook his head as he pulled himself out of his chair. “How about you start by putting your pants back on? That would do us all a favour.”

The dress fitting at the castle had morphed into an impromptu hen night. Kirsty had called her mother so that she could see Caroline in her dress. Her mother came to the castle bearing cake. She then called the rest of the women in her knitting group, and they all descended on the castle. Helen was in her element—she kept saying how much she loved entertaining, and to prove it she unearthed music, made snacks and had Kirsty run to the pub to get more champagne and supplies for cocktails.

By eight o’clock, Caroline was buzzing. She wasn’t sure how much champagne she’d had, because it was like drinking lemonade, and she was thirsty.

“Take a look around,” Kirsty said in her ear as the group of predominately older women fought over where to serve the food. “This is us in twenty or thirty years.”

Caroline put her head on her friend’s shoulder. “If that’s the case, I need to make more friends. You need a large group to cause this much chaos.”

“Don’t put the ice cream there,” Kirsty’s mum wailed.

Caroline and Kirsty burst out laughing.

“Thanks for agreeing to be my maid of honour,” Caroline said.

“I’d have broken both your legs if you asked anyone else.”

“Even Elaine?”

“Elaine is nearly nine months pregnant. I’d like to see her in a bridesmaid’s dress.”

“There is that.” Caroline took another gulp of her champagne, and her head began to swim.

“Right,” Helen announced, “everyone eat and then we’ll sort out Caroline.”

“What?” Caroline said as Kirsty grabbed her arm and led her to the kitchen table. “What do you mean sort me out?”

“The pictures in the magazines.” Kirsty’s mum rolled her eyes.

“I don’t understand.” Caroline’s head was filled with candyfloss. Lovely, fluffy candyfloss. “How can we fix it?”

“Well…” Heather was wearing her Knit Or Die T-shirt, and the words swam in front of Caroline’s eyes. “The first thing we can do is get rid of all of those grey suits you wear and buy you some decent clothes.”

“We need a shopping trip!” Jean squealed with delight. “Let’s go to Glasgow. Tomorrow. Kirsty can show us the good places to shop. We can have lunch. It will be great.”

Everyone except Caroline cheered. “I have clothes. I don’t need more.”

Although there was plenty of food on the table—mini-pies, finger sandwiches, cheese balls, amongst other things—Caroline decided to start with cake. She piled her plate with a slice of each of the cakes available. Usually she watched how much cake she ate. She was always telling herself that discipline was important. That there was such a thing as too much of a good thing. Control. It was all about control. As she reached for her champagne to wash down a mouthful of decadent chocolate fudge cake, she began to think control was seriously overrated.

“What we need to do”—Shona pointed a fork at Caroline—“is burn your wardrobe. That way you won’t be tempted to wear that stuff again.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Kirsty said through a mouthful of cake.

“What’s wrong with my clothes?” Caroline demanded.