Holding His Forever

“Fia. Fia Clover,” she says. “And no, I don’t have anyone else to contact.”

My heart both aches and jumps for joy. I don’t like that she has no one else she can call in an emergency, but I’m all too happy she’s single.

“I’m…” I hesitate for half a second. I was about to tell her my last name, then change my mind. “Derek.”

She gives me a shy smile and squeezes my hand. The warm feeling of her soft palm in mine is much better than anything I could have expected. It’s borderline erotic, and I’m just holding her hand. God, what would it feel like to rub my hand around her waist to the small of her back?

“Sir?”

I look up to see the nurse looking at me expectantly, like she’s asked me a question several times.

“Excuse me?” I clear my throat and blink a few times, hoping she’ll say it again.

“I said, do you mind moving over a bit? I need to see the machine behind you.”

Stepping to the side, I have to let go of Fia’s hand, and I immediately miss the connection. I’m a little embarrassed she had to ask me to move, but Fia is biting her lip, trying to hide a smile. I must have just completely zoned out.

“Okay, Ms. Clover, I don’t see any reason not to release you back into the wild.” The nurse smiles softly at her. “Do you have somewhere you can stay tonight? From what the EMTs said, your building will be closed off for at least a night while they investigate the cause of the fire.”

I’d heard some chatter on the radio but hadn’t bothered to click over and listen. I should have, because this was her home. I look down at Fia and see the indecision on her face.

“I’m sure I can come up with something,” she answers quietly.

The nurse indicates to the chart and starts to head towards the door. “I’m going to process this, and then you’ll be on your way.”

She doesn’t notice the pale look on Fia’s face, or the fear in her eyes. I catch it, and I can tell something is wrong. My heart aches that she’s worried, and I step closer, taking her hand again to try to comfort her.

As if she remembers I’m in the room, she startles at my touch and looks up at me. She smiles quickly and then looks away.

“Thank you for your help. If you don’t mind, I’m going to get out of here now.”

She tries to pull her hand back, but I just hold it tighter, not letting her go.

“Hey, do you have some place to stay?” I ask softly.

She nods, but doesn’t meet my gaze, and I’m almost sure I can see what looks like tears forming at the corners of her eyes. Her nose turns red like she’s fighting them, and I can’t just stand by anymore.

I sit on the edge of the bed and gently touch her chin, making her look up at me. It’s then a tear falls, and I see the grief in her eyes.

“Everything is gone, isn’t it?”

I’ve seen this countless times with victims of a fire. They’ve lost all their possessions, and the thought hits them all at once that they have nothing.

“Everything in the apartment, maybe. But you’re here, and you’re safe, Fia. That’s the most important thing.”

She closes her eyes at my words and takes a deep breath. “I just don’t know if that’s true anymore.” Her shoulders sag with the weight of her words, and it’s as if she’s been carrying something around for so long that she’s just exhausted.

“Hey, hey. Don’t talk like that.” I rub my thumb on her wrist and then with my other hand wipe away the tears that have fallen.

“I’ve got to go. It’s late.” She starts to pull away from me, but again, I don’t let her go.

“Where are you going? I can take you somewhere.”

She looks up at me, and I can see her indecision about telling me. She lets out another breath like she’s giving up, and waves her hand dismissively.

“There’s a shelter I volunteer at. I’m sure I can grab a bed for the night until I get this sorted out.”

I don’t know her enough to make her do something, but I can offer a better solution.

“I’ve got a friend who’s got a place that’s free if you want it. He’s at the firehouse a lot and it just sits empty. If you want, I can give you the key and you can crash there for a few nights. Just until this gets sorted out.”

She looks hopeful, but then she just shakes her head no. “Thanks, but I’ll manage.” She looks away, not meeting my eyes.

“Seriously. We all stay at the station most nights, and he’s on for the next week. So it’s completely free to use. I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t okay.”