Broken Silence

The house is amazing. The interior has a bright and open feel that made it airy and comforting. The blinds are all open and the walls are a soft gray. The furniture varies in whites and grays. There’s the occasional pop of color, but it’s subtle and bright. I actually really like the aesthetic, especially since it’s so different from the house that now haunts my dreams.

Pushing that thought aside before it can turn into more, I focus my attention back to the two women talking quietly. Danielle is giving Sophia the usual rundown of information and how to contact her, even though I’m sure she sent her more than one email. The other families complained about her, calling her nosy and overly involved, but I got the vibe that she liked to make sure none of her clients felt lost in the system. She genuinely cares about me and never hesitated to check in on me, especially at first.

“Ready to see your room?” Sophia asks, realizing that I was waiting for them to stop talking. I give her a nod and take one of my suitcases where she’d dropped them on the way in, but she beats me to the other before heading up the staircase. “Your room is at the very end of the hall. You have your own bathroom two doors down. My bedroom is downstairs if you ever need me at night. The other two rooms are spare rooms. I don’t use them very often since my bedroom and office are both downstairs, but if you have any ideas on what to do with them, we can figure that out down the road. I know you don’t speak, so I have a cell phone for you here and you can text me anytime you need or want, and I also put some notebooks around. I’m the only contact in there besides Danielle, since I wanted you to be able to get a hold of her if you needed. I also do most of my grocery shopping and clothes shopping online since work gets crazy, so if you ever want anything, don’t be afraid to add it straight to the list. I put a notepad in the kitchen and just jot things down when they pop up,” she explains as she opens the door to my room and ushers me inside.

“What a beautiful room, Charlie!” Danielle exclaims, giving me an elbow nudge like she expects me to give a reaction. I give my usual combo of a small smile and nod to appease her. She isn’t wrong, though. It’s bigger than any room I have ever called my own. The white walls are bare, which I’m not usually a fan of, but if I stay long enough I have a feeling Sophia wouldn’t mind if I hang up some art or something. The full size bed looks inviting, with a fluffy teal comforter and more pillows than one girl needs.

The furniture is all black and white and clearly brand new from the smell of fresh wood. The desk has a sleek, black computer and printer on it that has my heart clenching. Dad had promised to take me laptop shopping for my birthday, we just never made it that far.

She had even gone as far as getting some basic school supplies and a brand new backpack. I’m definitely thankful for that one, my backpack had ripped a few months ago and was barely holding on with the safety pins anymore.

“I’ll let you get settled in and unpack while I see Danielle out. Can you come down for dinner at seven and we can figure out what you need and order you a few things then? And again, text if you need anything.” She gives me a sweet smile and leaves me standing in my room.

“You call me if you need anything, you know the drill,” Danielle says, her eyes glassy as she takes me in. “I really think you two will be great together. Just give her a chance, Charlie.” With that she turns and walks off ,and I almost wish I could be excited too. But I honestly can't remember the last time I was genuinely happy about even the small things.

As silence envelops me, I sit on the bed for a few minutes, processing everything. First days are always the hardest and it leaves me feeling raw and uncomfortable. It feels wrong not to be at home with my family, even after all this time. Like I’ll wake up from this nightmare any minute and run down to tell Mom about it. She’ll make me hot chocolate and tell me I’m being dramatic, then kiss me on the forehead so I know she’s only teasing.

Tears are running down my face before I even realize it, that familiar wave of grief wrapping around me like an old friend. In a sick way, it’s comforting. These heavy feelings of sadness and despair are so ingrained into me at this point I don’t know how to feel anything else.

Eventually the tears dry, though, and this time is no different. Needing a distraction, I pull out my new cell phone and unlock it. I notice Danielle’s and Sophia’s numbers, but I don’t have anyone else to add, so I leave it at that. Clicking on the app store, I download a few of my favorites to pass the time before setting it aside with a sigh. It’s still an hour and a half until I have to go down for dinner, but I don’t feel comfortable enough to do much. At least when I have homework I have something to focus on.

Rolling off of the bed, I pick up my suitcases and toss them on the comforter. They look dirty and dingy against the immaculate room. It’s kind of weird being in such a nice place. The last home I was in had holes in the walls and smelled like wet dog. And my house growing up was nice enough, but it was well loved. Faded furniture, old appliances, and I’m fairly sure those floorboards were designed to give you away when you snuck down at night.

Flipping the top of the suitcase open, I survey the contents. The only belongings I keep with me other than clothes is a family photo and a bracelet Mom gave me on the last birthday I had with my family. I’ve never taken it off and even throat punched a foster sibling when they tried to take it. There isn’t much I have to call my own at this point and I wasn’t about to let a mouth breather with a complex take it.

Dusting off the frame, I set my photo on the nightstand and open the closet doors to put my clothes away. The closet’s nearly half of the size of my room, which is saying something since both are enormous. I wouldn’t be able to fill it even if I had four times as many clothes as I do now.

After running out of things to check out, I download an ebook app and sign in so I can download a few of the books I bought on my old tablet. Losing myself in the book worlds I know well will help ease my mind a bit before I have to go join Sophia for what I’m sure will be another awkward dinner.

Within minutes I’m lost in my own little world and don’t even notice that time had slipped by. Glancing at the clock I realize it’s now only a few minutes until seven so I get up, slide my phone into my pocket, and make my way slowly through the house. She didn’t give me a tour earlier, s

o I just assume the kitchen is farther down the main hall and keep walking past the living room.

When I walk into the kitchen I don’t see Sophia or a table. An archway leads out of the kitchen on one side, so I go through there to find a huge dining room. Like the rest of the house, the kitchen and dining room are modern and airy. The table is huge, and it seems so wasteful for a single woman, but who am I to judge? Maybe she has guests over a lot or holds meetings here sometimes.

Footsteps start down the hall behind me, and I take a seat at the table, turning to face her as she enters. When she turns the corner her arms are full of takeout boxes… way more than two people can eat. Chinese food is one of my favorites, and I haven’t had it in forever, so I’m not complaining. I give her a big smile to show my thanks before peeking inside the nearest box as she starts sliding them all my way.

“I hope everything was okay upstairs?” she asks in that soft voice of hers. It almost has a calming quality to it. I nod distractedly before my stomach gives an intense growl and she laughs, the tension breaking enough that she drops into her own seat. “I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of doing a few things. So let's fill our plates and go over the rules and get you some clothes.” She hops up and grabs the plates from the other room, returning quickly with glasses and a pitcher of water. Seeing a disaster waiting to happen, I try to help her set the dishes down safely before they fall.

“Danielle didn’t tell me what you liked to eat or if you had any allergies. So I kind of ordered a lot to make sure you had something,” she explains sheepishly as she takes it all in. “I didn’t want to bother you while you settled in and processed everything, I’m sure it’s overwhelming. Do you have any allergies?” .

I shake my head no at first, then pause, realizing I have other allergies. She mentioned earlier she had a notebook in the kitchen, so I get up and go grab it, writing down my allergy to bees and penicillin and slide it her way. She reads it over and gives a sigh of relief.

“At least you can enjoy dinner then. Do you eat meat?”

I have a feeling she’s more nervous than normal and doesn’t know how to handle it, because her words are rushed together and she’s wringing her hands. I nod, and she gestures for me to pick my food. We both dish ourselves big plates and for once I don’t hold back. If it tastes half as fantastic as it smells, then it’s going to be magical. I sigh as I chew the first bite, the sweet and spicy flavor even better than I expected. Before I know it, my plate is empty and I sit back heavily in my chair, rubbing my bloated belly.

Sophia finishes a few minutes later, but instead of relaxing a nervous look flashes across her face.

“Okay, I also took the liberty of getting you a tablet. Danielle said you liked to read, so I figured this could help with reading and the shopping. I made you an email, so I could get it set up, but of course you can put your old one in too. I wrote that down here on this piece of paper.” She gestures to the tablet and paper she slides over to me. My mouth hangs open in shock as I take in the large, expensive tablet. Why is she being this generous? She takes in my expression, and her features soften.

“Neither of us have had easy lives, Charlie. I chose to stay single after I lost my husband four years ago, it just never really felt like the right time. I didn’t get the chance for kids and frankly, I married my job in his absence. But after a while I realized I wanted someone around to share my life with, it was too lonely in this house. I thought fostering a teenager would be the perfect solution since I work from home a lot. I want to spend time with you and get to know you. I want to spend money on you and buy you things you need and want. Once you walked into this house, you became my kid and I intend to treat you like you are.”

She levels me with a serious look like she’s daring me to argue. She’s obviously determined, and I’m grateful for her generosity and how much she seems to care, it’s a nice change to be honest. I hate that someone so genuine had to go through something so horrible, and I blink back a few tears and nod in understanding. It would make her sad to argue, not that I want to turn down her kindness.

Instead, I write down ‘I’m sorry’ on the notebook. She pats my hand that’s resting on the table, blinking a few of her own tears away.

“Me too, honey. I know how it feels to have someone you love taken away. It’s not fair and it hurts. But just know that I will never ask you to share anything you don’t want to or ask you to talk about what you’ve been through. As long as you can write anything you need down on these notebooks or text me, I can work with it.” She gives me a sad but hopeful smile that’s more of a question than anything. I think she needed someone here as much as I needed a change.