“I don’t hate her . . . I hate her weakness. I hate that she turned to drugs and booze and men instead of dealing with her situation.” She clenched her hands, heart in her throat as the words came tumbling out. “I hate that she hurt Nana. That she stole and lied and that she chose all of that over us.”
The tabby meowed—she was holding it too tight—and she let the animal run free. “I hate that when you fell from the tree in the backyard and hit your head, I had to drive you to the hospital because she was passed out in her bedroom with her latest boyfriend. We were seven, Kellen. Seven!”
He glared at her, his expression unreadable.
“Your leg was broken. Don’t you remember how much pain you were in?”
“I remember.”
“I tried so hard to perform a healing spell, but I couldn’t do it. I just didn’t know enough. She never taught me.” Her words were bitter. “Our phone was cut off. I couldn’t call for help. She didn’t even know Nana had come for us until two days later, when she and her creep boyfriend needed his car to buy more vodka!” She rubbed at her face, hating the sting of tears that hung in the corner of her eye. “What kind of mother does that to her children?”
He was silent for a few moments, and when he spoke, his voice rang with a note of defeat. “The kind that’s screwed up. The kind that needs forgiveness.”
She shook her head. “I can’t do that.”
“Then you’ve drawn a line between us, Ro. I won’t let you hurt her again. That last time, what you did to her . . . I trusted you. If I’d known what you’d planned, I would never have let you find the asylum.”
“You couldn’t have stopped me.”
He laughed. “I may not have any of your magick mojo, but don’t for a second think I can’t stop you if I want to.” He arched a brow, his eyes cold and determined. “Don’t think I won’t stop you.”
A chill ran through Rowan’s body at the look in his eyes. There was something there . . . something new and dark. When had he become so . . . hard?
“When are you going to ask her about the grimoire?” he asked. “Cedric had to give her some strong meds to calm her down.”
She shrugged. “As soon as possible.”
“Who are these men?” He changed the subject abruptly, and for a moment she was silent.
“Friends of Nana’s.”
He snorted. “Sure they are. She’s always hung with a bunch of True Blood wannabes.”
Rowan made a face. “Remember Bill?”
“From True Blood?”
She scowled. “Don’t be an asshole. Bill, Nana’s friend. He’d visit from time to time and sometimes stay a few days.”
Kellen’s brow furled. “The little round guy who dressed funny and always carried a bag of candy?”
Rowan nodded. “Azaiel is a friend of his, and they’re here to . . . make things right.”
“I met Priest and Nico earlier, so I’m going to assume that Azaiel is the one you were swapping spit with?”
She glared at her brother but refused to be cowed by him. “Yes,” she answered simply.
Kellen’s face was unreadable as he digested that bit of information. He took a step back and issued a warning. “Don’t go near Mom without me, Ro, or I swear by all that’s holy you’ll regret it.” He left her there and disappeared around the side of the house, no doubt on his way to find Vicki and Terre. They’d always been thick as thieves—even the bloody donkey liked Kellen.
Rowan crossed her arms across her chest, trying to seek what warmth she could. The dampness had found its way past her clothes and clung to her clammy skin with an iron grip. She shivered and closed her eyes. She was surrounded by all of her family and more strangers than she cared to count yet . . . she’d never felt so alone.
For the first time since she came back and found Cara gone, the well inside broke apart. She hadn’t realized until now how much she’d cut out of her life when she’d left for California.
Or how much her betrayal of Kellen’s trust had cost her. She’d lost her mother through no fault of her own, but Kellen’s defection was all on her.
Rowan slipped between the oak trees that bordered the property and disappeared into the early-morning mist and forest that covered acres of land behind the bed-and-breakfast. There, she finally let everything out, with only the birds, squirrels, and dead leaves to hear her sobs.
Chapter 19