She sighed. “I don’t want her to, but it’s how we learn in life. You know that. Shit, with all the screw ups you’ve made in life and all the shit you’ve been through, you know that failing teaches us how to be better; how to do better.”
“Yeah, and with all the shit I’ve been through, I want to use what I’ve learnt and help her not make the same mistakes.” I blew out a long, frustrated breath.
She started unpacking the groceries and putting them away. Erika never could stay still for very long; she was always on the go. “Tell me something; if someone had advised you not to do the things you did that ended up being mistakes, would you have listened to them?”
“Maybe.”
She stopped what she was doing and trained her eyes on me. “Bullshit.”
Why did she always have to be right? Begrudgingly, I admitted, “Okay, so maybe not.”
“How about, definitely not? You were a handful; so determined to get into all kinds of shit. And don’t even get me started on the stuff you did after Gabriella -”
I cut her off right there. Fury circled the room. It reached into my soul and forced its way into my mind. As hard as I tried to control it, to stop it gaining any power over me, there was no way I could. I was no match for it. I towered over Erika and let the fury explode out of me and shatter around us. “She does not exist to me so don’t fucking say her name. Ever. Again.”
I remained standing over her, panting heavy breaths and trying desperately to get my shit together. My mind was a mess of thoughts; thoughts I didn’t fucking want in there. Thoughts I’d spent years jamming into the dark recesses to avoid them. My chest tightened into a painful knot of heaviness and the demons beckoned from hell, calling my name with a lustful resonance .
I needed to get out of here.
Now.
But I couldn’t.
Fuck.
I shoved my hand through my hair and attempted to calm my breathing. This day started off bad and had quickly escalated to completely fucked.
“I’m sorry.” Erika snapped me out of my inner turmoil and forced my attention back to reality.
My eyes darted to hers and I processed the distressed look on her face.
She laid her hand on my arm.
Gentle.
Soothing.
Calming.
I focused on breathing.
In. Out. In. Out.
“Nash.” She tried to reach me but I was still clawing my way out of the abyss.
Give me a minute. I’m nearly there.
I sensed movement behind me; sensed another presence in the room. Noise and talking. But I couldn’t drag myself out yet.
And then arms wrapped around me from behind.
Love.
Tenderness.
Carla.
I forced out a long, harsh breath and gulped for air.