“Fuck,” I muttered.
Carla squeezed me, not wanting to let me go. I placed my hands on her arms. “It’s okay. I’m okay. You can let me go now.”
“You sure?” She hesitated.
“Yeah.”
Her arms released me and I turned to face her. She looked as distressed as Erika had. Worry coloured her face and I hated that I’d put it there. Me and my shit. I pulled her into a rough embrace. My hand cupped the back of her neck, and my lips brushed across her forehead.
We held each other for a moment and then she looked up into my eyes. “You need to deal with that once and for all.”
“I have.”
She shook her head. “No, you haven’t, Nash. And it’s time you started being honest with yourself about it.” Her voice held no judgement; there was only love there. And for that, I couldn’t be mad at her.
***
An hour later, I wandered back into the kitchen. I’d just spent the last forty minutes working on Mum’s car.
Erika was cooking dinner and gave me her attention for a moment. “All fixed?”
“Yeah, but there will be something else next week. That car is a piece of junk and she needs to get a new one.”
“She won’t spend the money, you know that.” She told me something I already knew.
“One day it’ll disappear out of her garage and there will be a new one in it’s place. I’m not a mechanic anymore and the only engine I want to work on is my own.”
“You can’t just replace her car, Nash. She loves that -”
“Piece of shit,” I finished her sentence, and then continued, “You watch me.”
She fell silent for a moment before asking, “What time is Jamison arriving?”
I watched her juggle stirring the casserole and scrolling on her phone. “What the fuck are you doing?” I eventually asked.
She hit me with a dirty look. “I’m trying to see what the next thing is to add to this casserole. And you didn’t answer my question.”
Our brother was always late. “He’ll be here soon,” I answered as I walked towards her. “What are you cooking?”
“That beef casserole that Mum likes.”
I peered into the pot and then eyed her. “Seriously? You need to read the recipe to make that?”
Another dirty look from her. “You want to make it?”
Leaning my back against the bench, I muttered, “Well I sure as shit wouldn’t need the recipe. By the looks of it, you need to add the mushrooms now.”
She continued to scowl at me, but did as I suggested before saying, “Mum doesn’t like Carla’s boyfriend either. You know that, right?”
“I figured. Not sure why she lets him in the house though.”
“Because Carla still lives here and she respects her enough to let her live her own life.”
It was hurting my ears to listen to this shit. “Babe, you’ve got ten years on Carla and I’ve got twelve, and we both fuckin’ know that she can do a lot better than that prick. He shared his dick around the last time they were together; I’m not sure what makes her think this time will be different.”
“She’s young, Nash. She grew up with no father figure except for you and Jamison, and while you both did an amazing job, she’s suffered because of Dad leaving us. Her self worth is shot to shit and so she lets guys treat her like Jesse does.”