Hopeless Heart

“So what are you going to do?” Theresa asked. “When do you plan to leave? How do you plan to go? You can’t creep out in the middle of the night.”

When Georgiana didn’t reply she squinted at her. “Can you?”

In reality Georgiana had no idea how she was going to get out of the house but didn’t confess as much to her friend.

“Are you sure you can’t find a way to stay?” Theresa asked sadly when Georgiana didn’t answer.

Georgiana shook her head. “I have to get out, Theresa. I am one and twenty and have experienced nothing in my life.”

“You have been to London for a season,” Theresa offered helpfully.

“Ha! I have been dictated to so much by Cecily that only suitors with fat bank accounts have been allowed near me. She was always so pushy that it was an embarrassment to watch her. Those whom she did consider worthy of my hand I considered weak, limp, and lifeless. I should have been ever so bored being married to any one of them. Cecily being Cecily carped on about my being too choosy for months afterwards. It wasn’t an enjoyable experience, and something I never want to experience again.”

“Alright, so maybe your seasons were a flop,” Theresa sighed ruefully.

“I want to just be myself,” Georgiana declared loudly.

Theresa looked at her. “What do you want to do with your life-as yourself?”

Georgiana thought about that.

CHAPTER THREE

“Well-,” Georgiana pursed her lips as she stared up at the billowing white clouds. “I want to skinny dip.”

“What?” Theresa began to laugh. It wasn’t the answer she had expected.

Georgiana grinned unrepentantly. “I want to swim naked in a lake. My brothers used to do it all the time but they wouldn’t let me join them. They said it wasn’t ladylike of me and I shouldn’t do such things.”

Theresa looked flushed. “You saw your brothers swimming naked?”

“No!” Georgiana gasped. “Good Lord, no. I wouldn’t be the sane person I am now if I saw any of that business. No, they always made me go home, but I knew what they were doing.”

She didn’t tell Theresa of the time she snuck back and caught Will beside the stream half-naked. The tanned skin of his slender, boyish chest had captured her youthful imagination even at ten years old, and created a whole realm of girlish fantasies.

“Then what?” Theresa murmured.

“I want to go to a gaming house and play poker.”

Theresa snorted. “You wouldn’t even get through the door.”

Georgiana smiled secretively. “But I can dress as a man.”

Theresa sat bolt upright and stared at Georgiana in dismay. “You can’t. Your mother would have a conniption if anybody recognised you, and word spread.”

In spite of this, Georgiana began to laugh. “I don’t care,” she declared. “I really, really, don’t give two hoots what Cecily demands. She makes far too many decisions for everybody. This is something I am choosing to do for me. Whether she likes it or not is irrelevant to me.”

“Aren’t you are a little young for a mid-life crisis?” Theresa murmured.

“So much of my life is dictated to me that I am merely going to try to find out who I am, and what I want out of life. Right now, I have no idea. What I don’t want to do is get pushed into a marriage I don’t consider right for me just because Cecily decides I must wed. I don’t want to regret not standing up to her for the rest of my life. Why, I have no idea what type of man attracts me, or what I should be looking for in a future husband, or if I even want one.”

“Will’s your type,” Theresa replied knowingly.

“Yes, but where that has gotten me?” Georgiana sighed sadly.

Theresa threw her a soft smile of commiseration but doubted Georgiana saw because she had resumed her study of the sky again. She suspected that her friend would not do any of the things she talked about but was prepared to consider them, not least because they sounded like fun. If she had the moral strength, she would like to try skinny dipping, although not playing poker, but she didn’t say as much to Georgiana just in case her friend suggested they try it together.

“Then I want to race a curricle.” Georgiana frowned and decided she needed to write this down as soon as she got home. “I also want to buy my own house and live by myself for a while