“Why didn’t you say anything?” She wanted to hit him, hard. He hadn’t been the one to break things off. Clara had. And he’d left. Left! “You asked me to wait for you and then you left me.” She pushed against his chest, anger and hurt competing in her belly. “Why would you do that?”
“Clara asked me to leave.”
He said it so matter-of-factly that she stared incredulously at him. “You couldn’t have taken the time to talk to me? To tell me the truth?”
“No.”
She let his answer digest. “What about when you came to my dorm? Why didn’t you tell me then? If I’d known Clara had been the one to break things off…”
“What would knowing have changed, Amelia? Would you have welcomed me that night?”
Would she have? Probably not on the night he’d come to her dorm. She’d been too hurt by that point. “Had you come to me on the night of the rehearsal, had you told me everything then, I would have welcomed you.”
“I couldn’t tell you. Clara didn’t want your father to know the truth.” He glanced away, paused, then added, “For any of you to know the truth.”
Amelia tried to ignore the fact that he’d let Clara’s wants come between them, tried to understand, but she wasn’t sure she did. “Why are you telling me now?”
“Clara released me from my promise.”
Clara released him… Amelia’s gaze landed on the computer screen, registered who the e-mail pulled up was from. A fist gripped her trachea and refused to let go. “You’ve been e-mailing my sister?”
Was that guilt on his face? Oh, she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t keep her hands from shaking.
“I hadn’t talked to her in months, but she e-mailed me after port call in Singapore. We’ve been in contact since.”
Cole hadn’t left her sister. Cole hadn’t called off his wedding. Clara had. Her brain cells fired in a million different directions. “Why did you just make love to me?”
“That wasn’t making love, Amelia. That was sex, and it shouldn’t have happened. Not with so much at stake.”
Not making love. Sex. Shouldn’t have happened. Her vision blurred. “Are you in love with my sister?”
He rubbed his hands across his face, looked torn, then his gaze lifted to hers and he took a deep breath. “I’ve always loved Clara. I always will love her, but that isn’t what this is about, and you know it. This is about you and me and what’s between us.”
Amelia couldn’t take any more, couldn’t deal with all the emotions barreling through her. She’d given her heart to Cole, accepted that she loved him, had given her body to him freely, and he’d used her.
She felt dirty. Horribly, horribly dirty. Used. She was stupid. Very, very stupid. She’d been nothing more than an itch Cole had wanted to scratch. Part of her mind acknowledged that didn’t make sense, that he’d gone to too much trouble for just sex, but heartache blinded her to reason.
She called him every vile name she could think of, balling her hands into fists and pounding them against his chest.
Rather than stop her, he took her abuse, letting her vent her anger until she realized she was accomplishing nothing. Her halfhearted hits didn’t hurt Cole. Her rashly flung insults didn’t pierce his cold heart. He didn’t care. He’d gotten what he’d wanted from her.
“Clara dumped you and your damaged male pride demanded retribution. You knew how I felt about you and you used me, didn’t you, Cole? Used me to get back at my sister.”
He didn’t deny her claim and
great pain sliced through her, reminding her of all the reasons she’d vowed never to love in the first place.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE USS Benjamin Franklin had come into home port in San Diego early that morning.
While taking inventory of the ship’s remaining medical supplies, Amelia had mixed feelings on her first deployment coming to an end.
She’d barely seen Cole over the past week. He’d come to the office once, watched her, started to say something, then shaken his head and left. She’d wanted to follow him, to beg him to tell her whatever he’d been about to say, but what good would begging do?
Besides, she wouldn’t beg for any man’s love.
She couldn’t even ask him to help out around the sick ward. Sick call had been slow. The fact they’d soon be home seemed to raise the crews’ spirits and few needed their services.