Although she would have welcomed being busy to keep her thoughts from wandering, she also admitted she hadn’t been thinking clearly. Probably from lack of sleep and a broken heart.
Why had she let Cole in? Why had she trusted him?
Wasn’t that the crux of the matter? Even after the nasty ending to their lovemaking—she refused to call it sex despite him doing so—she didn’t regret having made love with Cole, only its less-than-ideal conclusion.
Not that she’d expected claims of undying love and a proposal. Not from Cole.
Which left her wondering what exactly she had expected?
But even as she thought the question, she knew the answer.
She had expected his love.
Because she’d believed he loved her. That’s why she hadn’t hesitated to make love with him. That as crazy as it had been, he’d fallen in love with her years ago and had come to win her heart.
He’d had her heart from the beginning.
She hadn’t known that’s what she’d been feeling for him, but she hadn’t been able to forget him, hadn’t been able to not want him, no matter how much she’d tried.
Which put a dark and gloomy cloud over her future.
If she hadn’t been able to forget Cole before, how was she supposed to move on with her life now, after what they’d shared over the past six months?
“You about done?” Suzie asked, crossing to where Amelia worked.
“About.”
“I’ve finished everything I’ve got to do and plan to go ashore.” Suzie eyed her worriedly, placed her hand on Amelia’s arm and gave a gentle squeeze. “Call me tonight?”
Amelia hugged her friend goodbye. Who knew when they’d next be assigned to work together, if ever?
“You’re going to your parents’?”
A sinking feeling settled into Amelia’s stomach. How would she hide her heartache from her parents? They’d take one look at her and demand to know what was wrong.
“I am.”
Plus, seeing her parents, being in their home, would envelop her with thoughts of her sister. Of Cole.
She loved him. Right or wrong. Smart or stupid. She loved him.
Who did Cole love? He’d cared enough for Clara to ask her to marry him and spend her life with him. He’d cared enough to keep her secret for two years. He’d just used her for sex. Or to get back at Clara. Or whatever it was he’d done.
She should hate him.
So why didn’t she?
It came to her in a blinding flash. Because she didn’t believe him.
She didn’t believe him.
Because he’d not been telling her the truth when he’d said they’d just had sex.
What they shared could never be just sex.
Why hadn’t she realized at the time?
Because his words had been poison-tipped arrows and had hit their intended target—her faith in him. But why? Why would he lie to her about how he felt? Because of Clara? Because of his promise to her? She’d confronted her sister and heard the whole story, that Clara had asked Cole not to say anything, wanting freedom and not wanting to face her family’s disappointment in her not marrying Cole since they all loved him so much. Clara had feared her father would march her down the aisle and tell her she’d thank him later.