It didn’t answer her question.
‘He didn’t tell me that. I just thought maybe he had, and that’s why you hadn’t said goodbye.’ Still, he didn’t answer. She tried again. ‘What I mean is, did he pay you to leave?’
The distant clatter of the cooks across the mess hall stopped the silence from being too oppressive. Still Kane didn’t answer, and Mattie wondered if she was about to go insane with the need to know.
‘Did he pay you, Kane?’ she pressed at last.
Kane eyed her for a moment longer.
‘What did he tell you?’
‘Nothing.’ She blew out heavily in exasperation, thrusting aside the stab of grief that sliced through her. ‘Although maybe that’s because he started suffering from Alzheimer’s six years ago. Or at least that’s what we think, in hindsight. He’s been getting progressively worse these last three years, though.’
‘Oh, hell. I’m so sorry, Matz.’ A genuinely sad expression clouded Kane’s face. ‘I hope you never blamed him for me leaving.’
If she hadn’t have known how Kane and her father had rubbed each other up the wrong way, she might have actually thought it was more than just sympathy on Kane’s part. That he was saddened on a more personal level.
She waggled her head from side to side, trying to shake off the melancholy.
‘I didn’t. I blamed you,’ she told him simply. ‘For leaving. And for taking the money, if there was any.’
‘I’m glad.’
And she didn’t doubt that Kane was sincere. She offered a wry smile.
‘However much my father and I might have clashed when I was going through my rebellious teens, I always knew he had my back. He always loved me.’
‘If it hadn’t been for you, and Hayden, and your parents, I would never have known what a true, loving family could look like,’ Kane said quietly, a moment of unguarded wistfulness.
Mattie thought her chest would crack open with the effort to contain itself. She stamped it down quickly.
‘So, did he pay you, Kane?’
Another beat, and then...
‘No.’
She wasn’t expecting the numbness that crept over her so abruptly. Her throat suddenly tight. The answer she’d wanted to hear but hadn’t really believed she would.
‘He didn’t?’ she whispered.
‘He did not,’ Kane confirmed. ‘What’s more, if he had tried, I wouldn’t have accepted it. No amount of money could have made me walk away from you.’
It was as if some giant concrete block had been sitting on her chest and she hadn’t even realised it. But now it had lifted. Gone. Something was swelling inside her chest and she didn’t care to evaluate that too closely, but either way she could breathe again.
‘You did walk away from me, though,’ she managed instead. ‘So, if not for money...then why?’
‘For your own good, Mattie.’ His face shuttered instantly. Effectively locking her out.
Strangely, instead of making her back off, it sent a sliver of anger through her.
‘What kind of answer is that?’
‘The only one you’re going to get.’
Her heart started thumping slowly in her chest.
‘Well, that isn’t good enough, Kane.’