‘That’s too bad.’
‘It’s been fourteen years.’ She blew out a breath. ‘And you still can’t tell me? What can possibly matter that much?’
‘Because it’s my story, Mattie. My past. I don’t want it all raked up now and, what’s more, I don’t believe it will achieve anything to do so.’
‘It’s our past,’ she corrected furiously, reining herself in sharply as she cast a glance at the kitchen area.
But no one was watching. As far as they were concerned it was two senior ranking soldiers discussing a brigade issue. They couldn’t know what the topic really was.
‘I think I deserve that much.’
He snagged her eyes with his. Searching them. Making her feel utterly naked.
‘What would be the point, Mattie?’ he demanded hoarsely. Quietly. ‘Two days ago, maybe I would have. When I thought that maybe things could be different between us the next time.’
‘You mean when you thought I’d left the army?’ she asked dully. ‘Before I even knew you’d ever joined up?’
‘Yes. Back then,’ he confirmed.
‘So you’d thought that maybe we could have a future? You really had intended to search me out the moment you returned from this exercise?’
‘Why else do you think I gave you my number?’
‘And would you have told me then? Would you have said that you were one of the most senior NCOs in the British Army?’
‘I would have.’ He dipped his head slowly. Once. ‘But we both know that it’s impossible now.’
How was it possible for hope to flourish in one part of her chest, only for it to be extinguished in another?
‘Unless one of us leaves,’ she posited carefully.
He studied her, his expression guarded.
‘And have you any plans to do that?’
She stared at him. He couldn’t be serious.
>
‘You were going to once before,’ he reminded her, seeming to read her thoughts. ‘When you were marrying your Earl Blakeney.’
‘True, but it would have been a mistake, I realise that now.’ She shook her head sadly. ‘I never wanted to leave—it was just what was expected of me.’
And she’d been trying to convince herself that she’d moved on. From Kane. Not that she was about to admit that now.
‘I would have ended up resenting him for it sooner or later. And the marriage would have failed.’
‘So you’re saying that seeing me—or thinking you imagined me—at your wedding rehearsal saved you from making a mistake that would have hurt both of you?’
She couldn’t be sure whether he understood too little or too much. Either way, she wasn’t sure she wanted to go down that route.
‘Remember that promotion I mentioned I was getting?’ she asked, changing tack swiftly. The one he must have imagined was in a civilian capacity. ‘Well, it’s to half-colonel, back at Brigade.’
There was a beat.
‘Congratulations.’
His voice was to level. Too even. As though he was picking his words too carefully. Guarding himself from the inevitable.