‘Do you like Christmas? Back home?’ she whispered.
She seemed to remember he didn’t. Wasn’t that the reason he’d been so happy to accompany Rafe a decade ago? Because he hadn’t had a family of his own with whom he’d wanted to spend the holidays.
‘I don’t remember the last time I celebrated it. At least, not the way you’re thinking. If I wasn’t on a tour of duty or some exercise, then I usually volunteered to stay in barracks to cover duties to let the men with families go home.’
Why did she feel compelled to ask him the questions she knew he wouldn’t care to answer? What was this urge she had to get to know him? To understand what drove him to be a surgeon? A soldier?
‘You don’t have a family.’
‘Not one I’d care to waste my time going to see.’
At least he wasn’t shutting her down outright. Then again, it probably would be wise to let it go.
‘Why not?’
He glowered at her, his eyes almost glittering with unspoken distaste. If he’d turned and stalked out of the classroom she wouldn’t have been surprised.
Instead, he spoke. Although it was as though every word were being dragged, kicking and screaming, from him.
‘My mother gave birth to me, and she just about managed to drag me up. That’s about the top and bottom of what she did for me. She had four more kids, Debbie, Ralph, Ally and Mason, all to different men. She was that desperate for love, for a man, that she did stupid things. She was pretty pathetic.’
The accusation sliced through Rae. It was all too horribly familiar. Was that why Myles had been so very disgusted by her sex tape? With her?
‘What about your dad?’ she managed to choke out.
‘Never knew him. Only Debbie knew her dad, not that it did her much good. Ralph died when he was a baby, cot death. Ally was on drugs by the time she was sixteen. Possibly Mason made it out, but I was gone by then, I’d joined the army, got them to sponsor me through a medical degree.’
‘Oh.’
‘Wishing you hadn’t asked?’
She shook her head but didn’t dare answer. Perversely, it felt more like an honour that he’d even told her that much.
‘They make your family look like the Waltons.’
‘You already met my family,’ she countered. ‘Aside from Rafe, who grew up with his mum in England when my dad left them for my mum, they’re hardly the most...loving people.’
‘Love is overrated.’ The humourless laugh made her feel sad, as though she wished she could steal away some of his obvious pain.
Pain he would deny if she was foolish enough to try to point it out.
‘Is that why you devoted yourself to the army instead?’
His eyes bored into her and, for a long moment, she thought he wasn’t going to answer.
‘Maybe. And now I’m out and I have nowhere else to go.’
‘You could be a surgeon out here, or places like it.’
She shouldn’t feel so hopeful. So keen.
‘This isn’t the life for me.’ He shook his head and she felt oddly deflated. ‘Not any more.’
‘Do you really hate being out here?’
‘It brings back memories.’
She didn’t know who was more shocked. Her, or Myles himself. Tentatively, she spoke.