‘Rafe mentioned that you might be dealing with some level of PTSD.’
She wasn’t at all surprised when this time he didn’t answer, deflecting instead with a question of his own.
‘Do you really love it?’
Despite her disappointment at Myles shutting her out, she found it impossible to stop the smile from cracking her face.
‘I do. I didn’t expect to, and I know it’s only been five days but it feels...good. I feel good.’
‘I can see that,’ he murmured softly, surprising her.
‘You can? I thought perhaps I looked out of my depth?’
‘You don’t,’ he assured her. ‘And it isn’t just how you appear. It’s what people are already saying. Seasoned volunteers who have done multiple medical missions are talking about your skill, your adaptability, your compassion.’
Her skin prickled at his words, making her feel unexpectedly proud. Ten feet tall. So why did the confession come bubbling out of her?
‘Sometimes I feel lost. Well...every day, if I’m honest. Back home I might deal with lots of straightforward pregnancies and labours, with a handful of complications thrown in. Here, they’re all complicated, and some multiple times over.’
‘I know that feeling.’ He nodded. ‘I found that it worked to approach it a bit at a time, doing a little bit and then another little bit, and then another, until there was nothing left to do.’
‘I know. But sometimes that’s easier said than done.’
‘It’s daunting, but you just have to be confident. You need to remember that even if you haven’t ever seen any multi-part complications before, you’ve probably got all the pieces in your head from doing them at different times. Maybe a C-hyst here, or identifying uterine arteries during a bleed there. It’s just a matter of putting it all together for one patient, here.’
* * *
‘I was worried I wasn’t good enough. As much as I’m loving it, I’m also finding it a lot harder than being back home. Here almost all the cases are complications, especially obstructed deliveries and UTIs but there’s very little for us test-wise. There just isn’t the equipment to work things up so we have to treat empirically and I’m always hyper aware that if I make the wrong call, if I draw the wrong conclusion—especially since so many of the symptoms could be any number of things until it’s too late—the patient can die.’
‘Every mortality rate is high out here. Maternal mortality, infant mortality.’ He nodded gently. ‘It’s a fact of life out here that we don’t have to worry about the same way back home.’
‘Your home or mine?’ she joked weakly.
‘Both.’
‘So I just muddle along, and I try to do the best I can, but I can’t help wondering what I’m bringing these kids into.’
‘You can’t think like that. You just have to know that you’re giving mother and baby a better chance than they would have if you weren’t there.’
‘And being alone can be frightening,’ she added after a moment. ‘Sometimes exhilarating but sometimes frightening. I’m used to having other obstetricians around me to bounce ideas off, but there are so few of us and so many women in labour that we usually don’t have time to stop and discuss cases, or possible diagnoses, or whatever.’
‘You’re the only one who can decide what to do.’ He nodded.
‘Exactly. And wh
at if I make the wrong decision? Or hit a vessel? Or—’
‘Shh.’ He stepped forward abruptly, his hands reaching out for her shoulders. ‘You might think you’re the only one with these fears but you’re not. Everyone is feeling the same but, like you, they just have to get on with it. And like I said before, you’re a good doctor, Rae. Everyone values your contribution. What’s more, they all like you.’
‘Thank you.’ Her brain scrambled for words. He was so damned close that her body was going into overdrive. But she couldn’t ask the one thing that she really wanted to know.
‘Especially me,’ he added brusquely.
Almost as though he could read her mind and couldn’t help but answer her unspoken question. Even though he hadn’t wanted to admit it.
Rae stayed silent, not wanting to break the spell. Not when his hands moved from her shoulders to cup her face, not when his thumb dragged deliciously slowly across her all too sensitive lower lip, not when he lowered his mouth to claim hers with an intensity that thundered through her body and to her core.
He kissed her over and over. Hot and wild and uncompromising. And she couldn’t get enough. Standing in that deserted building, clinging onto Myles in much the same way she’d clung onto him the night of the charity gala, and dreaming of doing more—so much more—with this man.