But more of anything with Myles was too dangerous. She knew that. She should pull away now, end things before they went too far.
In the end, however, it was Myles who broke the moment. His expression was stern but his eyes were still dark with desire, and his voice was too husky, too fractured.
‘We can’t do this.’
‘No,’ she agreed, her throat closing up.
He hesitated another moment, then walked them out, wordlessly. The sun was not yet up and their matched strides were the only sound in the silent camp. To Rae, it felt as though they were almost slowing down as they walked, as if each wanting to prolong the time together, yet neither of them prepared to admit it.
And then they were at the door to her room with Myles inching slowly backwards and her standing on the threshold, unable either to put her hand out to stop him or to go inside.
‘Myles...that is...would you like a coffee?’ It sounded so naked and vulnerable out there that she found herself babbling on. ‘It’s good coffee. Proper coffee beans. I brought them over with a little hand-held grinder...you know...as my luxury item.’
‘Good choice,’ he endorsed stiffly, but she noted he took another small step away from her. ‘I brought a guitar.’
‘Oh...yes... I can imagine you with an electric guitar...’
Like some kind of rock star. It suited Myles perfectly.
‘Acoustic actually.’ He smiled suddenly. ‘The electric sounds better with the amp and stuff, and I didn’t fancy lugging all that paraphernalia all this way.’
‘Right. Of course. Make sense.’
Abruptly, he glanced up and down the corridor before stepping back towards her, sweeping her inside and closing the door behind them.
‘Actually, I think a coffee would be nice.’
The metallic click charged through her, as though they were suddenly locked in their very own Faraday cage. It was thrilling and terrifying all at once.
Awkwardly, she moved across the room to make the drinks, moving between the metal cupboard where she kept the beans to the desk where the hand-turned grinder took pride of place. And all the while she didn’t dare to turn around, afraid that he’d be right behind her.
Afraid that he wouldn’t.
And as she made the coffee and then they sat and made excruciating small talk, she hoped he couldn’t read her mind. All she kept thinking of was that moment, back in that classroom, where he’d almost opened up to her. When he’d told her that being out here brought back those memories.
‘I’m sorry, you know, that I made you come out here. I didn’t know it would be so difficult for you.’
‘How could you have?’ His tone was clipped but at least he was answering. ‘Besides, it wasn’t as though you decided to come out here on a whim. You’d already gone through the process with Angela, long before I came along.’
‘But when things changed, when Rafe got those death threats and asked you to be my bodyguard, I could have explained things to her. Got my mission postponed.’
‘Well, it’s done now.’
No blame, no censure, just matter of fact.
‘I’m still sorry if this is hard for you.’ She swallowed, knowing she was risking angering him again, but not able to stop herself. ‘There’s no shame in talking about what happened...out there, you know.’
The silence was so heavy, so loaded, it seemed to compress the room down. The ticking of the wind-up alarm clock echoed louder and louder, making her heart pound in time to its ominous beat.
Tick. Tock. Tick.
‘I understand that.’ Myles broke the silence unexpectedly, his tone a little too even, too bright, to be genuine.
As if his head knew it to be the truth, but his soul wasn’t entirely in accord.
She waited a little longer but he didn’t expand. She hadn’t really expected him to.
‘So...’ she licked her lips ‘...would you like to? Talk, I mean? I’m a good listener.’