Adoration

But I am not feeling very sociable right now.

She knew exactly why but was trying not to think about it too much. Just thinking about where she should be was more than enough to make her sigh despondently.

‘If there is one thing Norma likes it is having someone dote on her,’ Sissy muttered in dismay. She tried not to be bitter but this was not how she had planned her life to turn out like. ‘I am nothing more than a companion. I am not a wife, a mother, or a lover. I look after an aged relation, but with no money or prospects.’

Deep in the back of her mind she knew that in stark contrast to her situation, Morgan Rothersham, Lord Campton, was enjoying hosting his autumnal ball. Determined not to make her misery any worse, Sissy blocked out all thoughts of him, and forced herself off the window seat. Closing the shutter, she ambled into the kitchen but had no idea what she was doing there. The only option she had was to go upstairs and keep her aunt company, but that was something Sissy balked at.

‘Great, so now I have to wander aimlessly through the house in search of something to do.’ In disgust, Sissy returned to sitting room, to the chaise where she had left her book. Opening it, she tried to read but the words began to swim around on the paper and were impossible to focus on. When she did manage to get it all under control, her mind refused to absorb what she was reading. All she could think about was Morgan; where he was, what he was doing, if he was happy.

Of course he is happy. He is at a ball you cannot go to.

Sissy contemplated whether she would have gone if she really had the chance to.

‘No. I don’t think I would,’ she admitted reluctantly and felt a heavy weight of despondency settle over her. She knew why.

‘Oh, my dear, Sissy?’ Norma exclaimed from the doorway.

Sissy jerked in surprise. She had been so lost in her thoughts she hadn’t heard her aunt descend the stairs. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘I forgot to send our apologies to Lord Campton,’ her aunt cried, wringing her hands in dismay. ‘He is going to think it very remiss of me for not sending our apologies before now, especially since I told Miss Mariette that we would be attending. Their ball is tonight, isn’t it?’

Sissy closed her eyes and tried to keep hold of her patience. She had hoped that Norma had forgotten all about it. Having hidden the invitation the day it had arrived, Sissy hadn’t dared mention it for fear of Norma wanting to attend. The last thing Sissy wanted was to chaperon her aunt to Morgan’s ball and have to stand and watch Morgan enjoying the company of the eligible women present.

Now that would be rubbing my nose in my situation.

Sissy sighed. ‘I don’t think they are going to give us a second thought.’

Norma took a seat in a winged chair beside the fireplace and shook her head, her thin lips pursed in disapproval. ‘But we must mind our manners, dear.’

‘Well, I am not going to turn up in the middle of their ball to tell them that we cannot attend,’ Sissy snapped firmly. When she spoke next, she mentally crossed her fingers and prayed to God that she was forgiven for her lies. ‘I confess that I forgot it was tonight as well.’ She carefully avoided her aunt’s pointed stare that warned Sissy she didn’t believe it for a second. Before Norma could probe her about it, Sissy dropped her book onto the table beside her and rubbed her hands together. ‘Now, seeing as you are down here, how about a nice cup of tea?’

‘Yes, I think that would be rather nice,’ Norma murmured thoughtfully.

Sissy hurried out of the room. But, while she might be able to avoid her aunt’s careful scrutiny, Sissy couldn’t ignore the fact that her thoughts remained locked on Morgan. Her adoration of him was foolish really because Morgan rarely came to visit them. When he did, she didn’t doubt his mother had forced him into it.

Face it, he doesn’t even know I am alive. His connection had been with my father when he had been alive. Now that he has passed, Morgan has no interest or connection to us. He calls by out of family duty because he is too well bred to shun us like everyone else has.

‘I wish he didn’t call upon us,’ Sissy whispered. It hurt to even see him.

When she realised just how miserable she was starting to feel, Sissy squared her shoulders, sucked in a deep breath, and focused on the preparing tea instead.

‘He has a hold on you, that one,’ her aunt announced from the doorway.

Sissy mentally cursed. She had been so focused on thinking about Morgan – again – that she hadn’t realised her aunt had followed her into the room. Sissy turned to look at her with faux confusion. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’

‘Oh, I think you do,’ Norma murmured knowingly. ‘I might be in my sixties but I am not blind, dear. I see more than you realise. I was young once you know, even if it was many years ago. I know that look in your eye. Besides, it isn’t like you to avoid anybody yet you do everything possible to avoid Morgan. It says everything about how you feel about him.’

Sissy closed her eyes and tried not to panic. ‘Do you think people know?’ Sissy hated the idea that people might have seen something she had thought she had kept well hidden.

‘You don’t move about in society anymore, my dear. People think you are shy,’ Norma assured her. Personally, she felt it was a terrible waste of a young life but Sissy refused all invitations, including the one to Morgan’s ball.

Sissy took her tim

e putting a pot of water on to boil and then added some more logs to the flames. But eventually, with nothing else to do, she had to turn and face her aunt.

‘He belongs in a different world, dear,’ Norma said softly.

‘I know,’ Sissy murmured with tears in her eyes. ‘I have known that all along. I cannot avoid it. If I am honest, I cannot remember much about the life I had before. It has gone and has taken my memories with it. They belonged to the child I was, not the woman I am now. It doesn’t do any good to think about them. Even so, I cannot ignore my situation now. Morgan belongs in the life I left behind. We both know that.’