Broken but Breathing (Jinx Tattoos 2)

“I know. It’s harder to do than you’d imagine. Life gets so hectic. We’ve gotten caught up in the mechanics of living.”

“Tell Todd what you’re telling me, and come up with a combative game plan. That man of yours is good at constructing order.”

“Yeah, I think it’s a requirement for engineers. So, did support like your new undies?”

“You wench,” Estelle said.

She snickered. “Now that I’ve been properly laid, I think it’s time for you to be.”

The sentence struck her unable to speak for a moment. Sex had become this obscure concept that didn’t pertain to her. She hadn’t felt desire until Snake stepped into the picture. Her mind had been too occupied with other things.

“I don’t know if I’m ready,” she said honestly.

“Babe, healing yourself means all parts. Not just your heart or your mind, but your body. I’m not telling you to hit up bars and do the one-night stand thing. Just to start thinking about the concept.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. But I’m in no rush. You know I’ve never been one for casual. Even when I was young.”

“I know, babe,” Jolene said.

“It’s weird to think about, you know? For so long my body has been a vessel I needed to keep functioning. It’s like waking up from a long coma and re-learning not only who I am, but the feel of things. It’s like thawing out.”

“What were you before?” Jolene asked.

“Numb. Alive, but dead inside. For a long time, I wished I hadn’t made it.”

“Jesus.”

“I know it’s something no one wants to hear, but it’s my reality. I lived that, and I’m still fighting my way back. When you’ve been beaten down so hard you relinquish your will to live, it’s soul-shattering. You and my parents were the lights at the end of the tunnel. Without you guys, I don’t know if I’d be here right now.”

“Don’t say that. Give yourself credit. You’re much stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“I am,” Jolene said.

Estelle smiled. Her best friend loved her when she didn’t love herself.

“Thank you for that. It’s a weird time.”

“Understandable given the circumstances. I’d be worried if you were walking around like things were fine. You’re fighting your way through it, and when you get to the end, you’re going to look back and realize how resilient you are.”

“A girl can dream. Most days I feel like I’m bumbling my way through life. Speaking of, I need to get off here and get ready for class.”

“How much longer do you have?”

“Scarily enough like two weeks. Then I hit the pavement looking for a gig.”

“You give any thought to where you want to work?” Jolene asked.

“Not yet,” she replied, blatantly lying. Her sister-in-law would expect her to tend bar in a restaurant or a quaint bar and grill, but that wasn’t going to happen. She got a taste of life with the Wild Ones, and she was hungry for more. They were life, and she needed to go to the wellspring for rejuvenation. Playing darts, pool, and bantering reminded her of the things she’d loved to do before Everett entered her life. Her husband never tried to change her, but he wasn’t exactly the bar type. She’d acclimated and drifted into a new stage of her life. It was a small price to pay for gaining everything else she’d longed for in a future mate.

This time around, she’d live for herself. There was no reason to do otherwise.

“You should start scouting, see who’s hiring. Your school helps with placement, right?”

“They do. It was one of the reasons I went with them over the others out there. I’ll text you tomorrow, okay?”

“Sure thing, babe. Talk to you then.”