“I wish there was something to tell. I’m in a serious dry spell.” Ruth shakes her head.
“No one interesting in the ad department? You get some cute hipsters coming through,” I say, remembering the last long haired, pierced, tattooed man with black frames she brought to a get together.
“Ugh, that’s the problem. If you’re even more sensitive than me, I can’t see long term. I’m over the sowing my wild oats stage. I want to get serious. It’s changed the way I look at men.”
“I never thought I’d hear you say the S word.”
“S word?” Ruthie lifts a pencil thin eyebrow over her deep set brown eyes and purses her slim lips. Her high cheekbones stand out on her heart-shaped face, and her corkscrew curls tumble down her back. She’s beautiful without trying and down-to-earth.
I’d like to see her settled with someone who could handle her. She’s always run circles around the men attracted to her magnetic personality. An image of Skull flickers in my mind. Skull manages one of the King’s legal businesses—Chaos’ Bar and Grill. They would balance well. Except she wants serious.
“Yeah, serious.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on, we’re getting scarily close to mid-thirties.”
“You sound scared,” I exclaim, stunned. She’s always so fearless.
“I think we’re all afraid to end up alone. I’m no different in that aspect. I know I’m not the only one who’s noticed we’re attending more baby showers, and one of the few left from our crew who are painfully single. Well, I guess you were excluded until recently.”
“Does it matter? One thing I learned early on in life is there’s no right or wrong way to do things. We all have a path to travel. There’s no status quo we need to struggle to meet. You have to be happy. Trust me, life is fleeting at best and tomorrow isn’t promised.” I picture the faces of those who’d gone before me and close my eyes tight. Too much loss does funny things to a person.
“You’re right. I just…have you ever looked at your life and realized it’s not where you wanted to be by now?”
I laugh as bitterness wells up inside me. “Are you kidding me? Every damn day! I just hurt someone I care about badly, because I couldn’t stop lying to myself. Jamie might’ve been what I swore I wanted. But he wasn’t what I needed. ”
“Did he do something you didn’t like?”
I laugh. “No, he just wasn’t…” I can’t bring myself to say the words out loud.
“Who you wanted?” Ruth finishes my sentence.
I bow my head. “I have to shake this sickness. It’s fucked up, and it’s going to ruin my life if I let it.”
“Why?” Ruthie asks.
“The man that I want—”
“Is a free agent,” she interjects. “You have to get this out of your system or you’ll never be able to move on, because you’re always going to wonder what if. It’s easy to place him on a pedestal when it’s all been in your head.”
“I don’t. It’s not like that. I’m not pining for him,” I splutter.
“Aren’t you? I think you owe it to the both of you. I’ve seen you two around one another. Shadow is into you,” Ruth says.
“I don’t think so.”
“Prove me wrong,” she challenges.
“It’s not that easy, and you know it.”
“Soon, you won’t be able to say that. The two of you will be living under the same roof.”
“For Bolt. I mean, what would that look like? Your dad gets home from jail, your mom goes in, and your aunt starts dating your dad?”
“What? He would be ecstatic. His two real parents together.”
“Ruthie,” I whine.
“What? I remember how many times you didn’t go out in college because Bolton needed you and Shadow was off doing whatever he does for the club.”