“And I love you too, which is why we’re going to put our heads together, dream up the life you’ve always wanted, and will it into existence. Lord, I’m claiming this for you. You have been through hell and back, and it’s time for you to experience joy again. I think Brooks was blocking your blessings. A man who could do what he did is dark.”
“I keep going over our relationship trying to pick out signs that he’d be capable of this. But honestly, there were none. A wealthy doctor cheating on his spouse isn’t anything new. I tried to tell myself I was paranoid. Then I tried to ignore it. I mean we had a great life, and I didn’t want to hurt Whitney. So we pretended like it didn’t happen. The way they do back home with prominent families. The wife looks the other way, pastes on a smile, buys more than she needs to fill up that emptiness, and dies a little more inside with each day that passed. I snapped that night. I called him out about his cheating.” My voice shakes. It’s the first time I’ve gone into detail with someone other than my therapist, my lawyer, and the police.
“Oh, my, God.”
“I told him I knew he was cheating on me and I was done pretending.” My chest grows tight as the night slams into me. I close my eyes against the vivid memories. His face was twisted with rage, and his eyes glowed with hellfire. The man turned into a demon before my eyes. Monsters exist. They walk among us in human guises. That’s scarier than anything paranormal based.
“You know it wasn’t your fault. How the hell could anyone see this coming?”
I sigh. “I was terrified he’d gone completely around the bend and planned on killing us both. All I could think about was getting to the house to protect Whitney.”
“And you did that. Hey.”
I blink and focus on the dark brown eyes, surrounded by thick black lashes. “You did that. You survived, and you’re dealing with the aftermath the best way you can. Don’t you dare beat yourself up over any of it.”
“Jess. I chose him.”
“People change, B. Who he was in college is not who he became, or worst case he hid it very well. Either way, it’s not on you.”
One day, I hope I believe that.
***
“I love this place,” Jess gushes as we enter the diner nestled on the end of the pier in Oceanside. A retro throwback, the diner boasted a fattening menu of burgers, fries, shakes, sundaes and more. The male wait staff wore crisp white t-shirts and triangular hats trimmed in red with khakis. The women wore red and white Aline dresses with white aprons and a white cap. The white Formica tables, red stools, and vinyl booths added to the time warp experience that came with walking inside the restaurant. We grab a seat in the back and pile into the booth.
It’s D-day. She’s announcing which college she decided to go with, and I’m sharing my news to go back into the field. It feels good to have something uplifting to bring to the table. We’ve been wading through the darkness for far too long. It’s time we leave inky night and step toward the light.
“How can I choose when I want all the food?” Jess whines as I laugh. “Hey, you’re the same way when you come back home,” she says.
“I know. How about limiting yourself to the lunch selection. It should help.”
“We’re coming back here again before I leave, right?”
“Yes, Jess,” I say.
“Okay, takes some of the pressure off.”
Whitney laughs. The sound makes my heart swell. Jess has been good for her too. She’s a breath of fresh air in a stagnate environment.
“Oh, hush. You’ve got age on your side. You can eat like this all the time and never worry about a pound. I have to weigh out my options. Cinnamon roll French toast for the win,” Jess sings.
We place our orders with our waitress and sip on our drinks.
“Are you ready to tell me what you decided on, sweetie?” I ask.
“Yeah. It was hard. I always thought I’d go to college closer to home.” She swallows, and I hold my breath. “But now it’s the furthest thing from what I want to do. I choose to go with the College of William and Mary in Williamsburg, Virginia. I want to major in Linguistics, and they have a top-notch program.”
The announcement is an arrow to my heart. I fight surprise, and the urge to rub my sternum, and take a large gulp of soda.
“That’s a great choice, baby. Congratulations! They offered you the full ride, didn’t they?”
“Yes. I know we can afford to pay, but why do that when I can take advantage of a scholarship, and go somewhere I really think I’d enjoy. I’d be an ant under a microscope if I attend college in California or any of the neighboring states.”
“Congrats, Whit. That just puts you closer to family and your Godmother.”
“Y-you’re not upset,” Whitney whispers.
“Oh, honey, no. Sad that we’re going to be so far away from one another yes. But that’s normal. That’s what’s supposed to happen when your only child goes off to college. This is your life. I want you to make informed decisions based on what you think will be best for you. You’re right. You need distance, and being closer to my family is a good thing. It gives me, even more, reason to get out that way.”