“It’s not the same and you know it.” She shook her head as tears welled in her eyes. The betrayal hurt. “I never doubted you were always up front with me and now… Well, I don’t know what to think.”
“I’ve never lied to you. Don’t let him put a wedge between us.”
“You’ve seen me at my worst. I fought demons for you. Why didn’t you do the same?” She swallowed, refusing to cry in front of him. “I need a minute. Some space.” She shook her head to clear it. “I’m going to go back to my place.”
“Baby, no.”
She covered his mouth with her finger. “I’m not so much mad as hurt, Shooter. This doesn’t match the man I’ve come to love. He’s strong, honest, fearless and does everything for his family. This challenges that. I need to digest it.”
His nostrils flared. “It’s one thing.”
“Yes, one very life-altering thing.” She lowered her hand and stepped away from him. Love meant overcoming your past to move forward a better person with the one you loved. If he couldn’t get past this she had to question how he really felt. If she could walk through the hell of her past, he at least had to step up to the plate. With a heavy heart, she went over to the counter, grabbed her purse and walked back. His jaw flexed, but he remained silent as he opened the door and watched her leave. Her heart broke with every step she took away from the man who’d become her home. Please, love me enough to fight for me. I need you to be the man I thought you were and not an illusion. I’ve had enough of false identities to last a lifetime.
Shooter felt like he was suffocating. A life without Juliette wasn’t an option. He wanted to drag her back and keep her here with him. But he knew he’d fucked up. She hated secrets, and after what she’d been through with Peter, he couldn’t blame her. I should’ve come clean a long time ago. Her words haunted him. This doesn’t fit with the man I’ve come to love. He didn’t have to think about his next move. He had to make this shit right. The ring he’d taken to carrying around burned a hole in his pocket. The past had no place with his future. He walked over and grabbed the card Juliette had left on the counter and set out.
He pulled up in front of the mid-grade hotel and parked. His face heated, and his stomach churned. When he didn’t hold on to the anger he was left with the hurt. His chest burned and he gripped the handlebars, mentally psyching himself. The door opened and Joel appeared. Standing, he got off his bike and walked over. Joel allowed him to enter and shut the door behind him. The beige walls threatened to close in on him as he made his way over to the table and chairs and set down.
“I’m here for Juliette. She deserves to know without a shadow of a doubt she’s number one. I don’t have any designs on Angelina if that’s what you’re worried about. What we had was puppy love. But that first time is potent, and you were my big brother. That’s what’s been tearing me up this whole time. I needed you. I was coming away from a world of chaos, death and blood. I needed you.” He glanced up into his brother’s glossy eyes. “I needed you and you let me down in the worst possible way. I promised myself after that I’d never put myself in a position where I could be hurt. It’s how I dealt with it, a quick patch over the wound to allow me to function. When you’re in the military Uncle Sam owns your soul. There’s no time to get lost in your head because you need to perform.
“I shoved the shit down and moved forward, always clinging tight to the anger. I was an angry man when I got out. Readjustment is harsh and I had no one to help me through. Another thing I blamed you for.”
“I would’ve been there. If only you had said the word,” Joel said. “You never stopped being my little brother, Daniel. I love you. “
Shooter sighed. “It’s not a matter of not loving you anymore. That would make things easy. You’re my blood. But I don’t trust you. I’m not sure if I ever can again. You want things to go back to the way they were.” He shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s possible.”
“No, I didn’t expect that. I just want us to be in each other’s lives. I want to know what’s going on with you. I want to tell you when Brittany makes the honor roll.” Joel sighed. “You start getting older and you realize how important family is.”
Shooter sighed. “I just want to understand why. How could you do something like that? I idolized you.” The hurt returned full force. Suddenly he was that lance corporal coming home to find everything had changed. Lost, hurting and confused, he’d been a total wreck.
“It’s hard being left behind. You miss the person you love, and you’re constantly worried. Only, you can’t let them know. You have to put up this front and pretend you’re far braver than you ever really feel. We didn’t want you to worry about us because it might take your focus off what was important.” Joel closed his eyes. The lines around his eyes and his mouth stood out, and Shooter realized just how long it’d been since he saw him last. He felt a twinge of regret. “We bonded over that. When she woke up in the middle of the night after nightmares about what might happen to you, I was the one she called and confided in.”
“How do you go from that to cheating, Joel? I don’t get it.” He clenched his jaw. If they loved him so much, why had this happened?
“It just slowly shifted. All that time spent together baring our souls and getting to know each other better. I fell for her. I don’t have to tell you how amazing she is.” He shook his head. “I fought it. I tried to date other women, and we started spending less time together. All that did was make us both miserable.”
“So why not just tell me. It would’ve hurt, but it wouldn’t have ripped my heart out of my chest.”
“We wanted to do it in person. You deserved better than a Dear John.”
“Trust me, I would’ve preferred that.” Shooter shook his head. The ball of pain permanently attached to the memory of his brother and Angelina began to untangle for the first time.
“I don’t want to go to my grave with you hating me, Daniel.”
“I don’t hate you, Joel. I hate what you did and how it destroyed our relationship.” The words freed something inside him. A lightness began to wash over him. I hate the situation, not the people.
“Why the sudden change? Not that I’m complaining.” Joel held up his hands.
“It’s all Juliette. She deserves me at my best with both feet firmly planted in the present ready to move on to the future.” It had taken a very intelligent woman to make him see he’d been hurting himself.
“It sounds serious.”
“It is.”
“Well, I wish you happiness.”
“It’s the only option.” Shooter smiled.
“Jesus you got cocky, and scary… I wasn’t prepared for that,” Joel said.