What the Heart Knows

Would it really be so bad to move forward? Hannah had been dead for two years, and she never would’ve wanted him to be alone. Right? Their last moments flashed behind his lids. He bent his head, braced his arms against the wall of the shower and allowed the water to bead down on him. Stiff muscles loosened and tension eased. Oliver emerged twenty minutes later, toweled off and headed into the bedroom.

Clad in a pair of black boxer briefs he slid into the bed and toyed with the slender smart phone that had Juni’s number highlighted. Should he delete it now and save them both the trouble? He came with more than the average share of baggage. Who was he kidding? At this point, he’d moved beyond a baggage carrier; he was damaged goods. Disgusted by his indecision he set the phone on the nightstand and rolled over to lie on his back. Was he a coward for not erasing her number or brave for keeping it? He sighed as he placed his arms underneath his head and let the heavy blanket of sleep block out his lingering doubts.

****

He jerked the wheel to the right to avoid the car that swerved into his lane. The tires spun on the black top with a wicked screech as it hydroplaned. A high pitch scream rang in his ears as the car began to spin out of control. His heart pounded in his ears as time slowed and they crossed the double lines and headed for the guardrail. The car burst through the metallic frame and sailed into the black abyss as it plummeted over the side of the embankment.

****

Oliver woke gasping for air as he shot up straight. Sweat matted his hair to his face, and his body shivered in the cool air. He took shaky breaths as he attempted to calm his racing heart. His teeth chattered as the chill that permeated the room seeped into his bones. He always woke up just before the car impacted with the water. Then his mind filled in the blanks upon waking. Exhausted, he closed his eyes and rubbed eyelids that felt like they were full of grit. If he wanted to get any sleep tonight, he’d need help.

He tossed the sheets away, and headed for the bathroom where he opened the cabinet and reached for an orange prescription bottle. He unscrewed the top and shook two of the tiny white pills into his palm. The sleeping pills were the only thing that put him out deep enough to keep the dreams at bay.

“You’re a mess, old man,” he said. He stared at the reflection in the mirror and sighed.

He filled the cup he kept by the sink and thought of Hannah. From the moment he met the green-eyed girl with light brown hair in art class, sophomore year of high school, it’d been smitten at first sight. What had started off as puppy love with a splash of teenage lust morphed into much deeper emotions as the years rolled by and they matured together.

They’d attended the same community college, leased an apartment together in their junior year, and married when they graduated. He spent half his life loving Hannah. Now that she was gone he found he couldn’t let go completely. How could he leave behind the best times of his life, or allow her to become a faded memory? Oliver owed her more than that. His life had been stagnating since her demise. Had their roles been reversed, Hannah would’ve handled this so much better. An ache began in his stomach as guilt washed over him once more.

He popped the pills in his mouth, took a swig of water and swallowed it all down. In fifteen minutes he’d be back in the blissful abyss.

Chapter Four

Juni hadn’t heard from Oliver in a few days. But according to what she knew about men’s timeframes, that was normal. At least she hoped it was. Her face heated at the thought of their passionate exchange. She hoped she hadn’t scared the poor man off. Despite the age difference between them, he seemed almost skittish. She glanced up from her desk when a knock sounded on the door. A look at the clock revealed it was eight o’clock. Juni sighed. She’d been dreading this moment since Jen had grilled her earlier about Oliver.

She closed her laptop and rose to walk away across the living room to answer the door. A glance out the peephole revealed the solid six foot three figure of her brother. She unlocked the door and swung it open.

“Hey, Leo.”

“Hey sis, you busy?”

“No, come on in,” she said.

She stepped back to allow him to enter and mentally counted to three. Her older brother tested her patience on a weekly basis. He’d been over the top, since she moved out on her own for the first time six months ago. Never mind the fact that her apartment was ten minu

tes away from Cupa, and she saw her family at least four days out of the week at work, and every Sunday for dinner. Juni locked the door behind him, and rolled her eyes. Just keep telling yourself he means well.

“Do you want anything to drink?”

“Yeah, do you have sweet tea?”

“Of course.”

She headed to the kitchen with Leo close on her heels. At six foot three, he always seemed to hover, though she knew he didn’t mean to. He took a seat at the table, and she poured them both glasses of tea before she took her seat across from him.

“What brings you by?”

“Do I need a reason to visit my baby sister?”

“Unfortunately, no.”

“Come on, Juni.”

She laughed at his frown and shook her head.

“I’m teasing, Leo, ease up.”

“I talked to Jen today. Who’s the guy you left with the other night?”